Watercolor, 2006, Jane Kohut-Bartels, “Dawn”
Tanka is such a beautiful form of poetry. These are some early tanka. I struggle with the form, still.
Lady Nyo
1.
The moon floats on wisps
Of clouds extending outward.
Tendrils of white fire
Blanketing the universe
Gauzy ghosts of nothingness.
2.
Come into my arms.
Bury under the warm quilt.
Your scent makes me drunk
Like the wine we gulped last night.
Too much lust and drink to think.
3.
Give me a moment!
To catch my breath and settle.
Give me some peace now.
Stop kissing my hands, stop it!
What if someone is watching?
4.
Presence of Autumn
Burst of color radiates
From Earth-bound anchors
Sun grabs prismatic beauty
And tosses the spectrum wide!
5.
Bolts of lightening flash!
The sky brightens like the day
too soon it darkens.
My eyes opened or closed see
the futility of love.
6.
Had I not known life
I would have thought it all dreams.
Who is to tell truth?
It comes at too sharp a price.
Better to bear flattery.
-
Jane Kohut-Bartels
Copyrighted, 2008-2013
Tags: dversepoets.com, Japanese forms of poetry, tanka, watercolor "Ducks at Dawn" Jane Kohut-Bartels
January 15, 2013 at 9:24 pm
ha i like the drunk under the covers one but that is the romantic in me…smiles. that last one as well is tight…that one may be my fav….you know i dont think i have ever written a tanka…
January 15, 2013 at 9:37 pm
Ah. I love all of them. They are wonderful. The kissing my hands one so human – very memorable -t he bearing of flattery, painful but also so human. You really have this form down . Just terrific. k.
January 15, 2013 at 9:44 pm
I am a fan of the tanka form too, though I usually do it freestyle (five lines, less than 31 syllables, but not following 5/7/5/7/7).
January 15, 2013 at 9:58 pm
It’s a marvelous form, regardless how we develop them. None of these (I haven’t looked lately) are classical tanka, more freeverse.
I have learned some of the discipline of tanka with the top poem, bottom poem, and the pivot on the third line. It’s a good discipline to learn because keeping within those confines makes it harder, but we also learn a very exacting discipline.
Thank you for reading and your comment.
Lady Nyo
January 15, 2013 at 10:01 pm
K, you are so kind. These are really ‘pre-learning’ tanka….they generally ignore the great discipline of the top/bottom poems and the pivot on the third line…and other things….LOL!
But! I think tanka gives the best expression for most of us who delve into Japanese forms…I don’t know if I hide behind tanka, or I reveal myself. Haven’t figured that out, but I love, love, love the form. Even when I slaughter it.
It allows for such raw emotion.
Thank you, K, for reading and your lovely comment.
Jane
January 15, 2013 at 10:06 pm
GOOD GOD Brian!!! You’ve never written a tanka??????
Well, you have something to look forward to.
I find tanka to be the clearest and easiest way to a very emotional poem without sentimentality. Or something like that.
With this book, “A Kapitany” I have gotten away from poetry a bit….since this early fall, and now I find I am missing something so essential to my psyche that I know something is amiss. I will try to go back to it this month. Tanka is an extraordinary form….and these aren’t classical tanka. But they are early attempts, too.
Thank you so much, Brian for reading and always your comments. I tried to post a comment on your site about Berry=Blueberry…wonderful poem! but my computer turned off….I’ll try again.
Jane
January 15, 2013 at 10:38 pm
Thanks you, Jane! Hard to think of these as pre-learning Tanka. If so, all I can say is “first thought, best thought!” k.
January 15, 2013 at 10:56 pm
I’ve never penned a tank either! Plenty of haiku and senryu! These are absolutely stunning!
January 15, 2013 at 11:19 pm
This is so lovely Jane ~ I love # 2 and 3 best ~ You have reminded me to try my hand into this form sometime ~
January 16, 2013 at 12:24 am
Oh Heaven! You have something ahead that will bring such good and thorough delight of the soul! Please, try your hand at tanka. I wrote a little presentation for dverse or Oneshot…I can’t remember…but it went over well, and if you missed it…and would like to read it….(a combination of historical, classical examples of great tanka-ists…let me know and I will send it. For some reason, it’s been a constant ‘read’ on the site for a while. It’s just my understanding, which is very new and narrow…about tanka.
But@ you have the most wonderful adventure into the heart and soul with tanka.
Hugs.
January 16, 2013 at 12:26 am
Thank you so much, RepressedSoul. Now, I’ve never done a sennyu, I bow to you. Haiku, yes but I find them much more taxing than tanka.
Thank you so much for reading and your comment. You should pen a tanka….
Jane
January 16, 2013 at 12:31 am
Hi K…well, there is a funny and ouch-laden story behind my tanka. Someone we both knew as a reader on our blogs…submitted my tanka (without telling me…) to the Great Jane Hirshfield. LOL!
Her critique was this: “Good first drafts”. LOL!
Unfortunately, they were not first drafts, they were examples of a tanka poet who did not know anything really about the structure of tanka. I still struggle with that. But there is a top poem/bottom poem/ and a pivot line that joins them together. Marries them.
About a year later I would learn, so I think Jane Hirshfield was being kind.
I did present a piece to OneShot or Deversepoet on tanka. That was wonderful fun, and I got to use some of my (reformed) tanka.
LOL!
Jane
January 16, 2013 at 12:44 am
Jane, beautiful as always!
January 16, 2013 at 1:02 am
Tank you, Ayala.
Hugs….
Jane
January 16, 2013 at 2:03 am
I don’t know anything about the form, but I really enjoyed these!
January 16, 2013 at 2:09 am
1 & 5 were my favorites. Nice job!
January 16, 2013 at 11:51 am
These are beautiful – each one speaks volumes
January 16, 2013 at 2:17 pm
Hi Marousia! Thank you for reading and your comment.
Jane
January 16, 2013 at 2:17 pm
Thank you, Gretchen.
Lady Nyo
January 16, 2013 at 2:18 pm
Thank you, Charles….
Jane
January 16, 2013 at 4:54 pm
Wow… Each brings such vivid moments to life, tidbits often overlooked or unseen. Gorgeous
January 16, 2013 at 5:57 pm
Thank you, Beth. Just learning here…but I have also learned that the friendship of other poets and writers can’t be topped. We are aliens in an alien world at times.
Thanks, Beth, for reading and leaving such a kind comment.
Jane
January 22, 2013 at 10:05 pm
absolutely beautiful, all of them. i love the first one especially ‘Tendrils of white fire Blanketing the universe..’ – so vivid!:)
January 22, 2013 at 11:38 pm
Thank you, Yelana…tanka concentrates so much in the mind…and heart.
Lady Nyo (that first one is my favorite, too.)