What is Service…Perfection…Submission… A very few thoughts…..

I have the ‘blue screen of death’ today, and it’s hurting my eyes…but I got into a discussion on another website about this issue of ‘service’.

Now, this is a concept I have come across for the last year in D/s.  I really had trouble getting my head around it.  I turned it every which way except the correct way.  I think I have a better handle on it now because I have redefined it in terms I know and understand.

We can make such a convolution about things. We can over define, or do other things to obscure some reality.  I think that service is one of those things that has been rather…obscure in the understanding.

For over a year, my friends and enemies have known that I have had an abiding interest in D/s.  I “mentored”  under a fellow for a while (a man in Montreal called Mackenzie Cross, but his real name was Jerry Golick–a man missing some serious wiring in the humanity department and one who turned out to be a BIG liar)  who tried to explain this service issue to me, but I just never really understood it.  Perhaps being the one ‘served’ he couldn’t get to basics ….or explain it in terms that I could really grasp. But I think overall the problem was I wasn’t recognizing something that I was already doing. I was making it obscure.

I left this “mentor” (who was just a scam artist…) recently and was befriended by a man from the Gorean Public Boards called Pantheus.  He clarified some thing for me, some essential things from a different perspective.

I was all atwitter with grief that I had ‘failed’ to really find my submission. I was crestfallen.  I felt a failure.  Pantheus asked why I was struggling so much with this issue?  He saw me as a very strong woman with lots of interesting parts to her, and these all went into what I was:  they were parts of what would be a very interesting and strong submissive woman.  Not a doormat, not a toady, but a woman who would eventually come to terms with her given strengths and be satisfied they were very much part of what was already a deeply submissive woman.  Even if I didn’t understand it or what it meant.

(what ‘deeply submissive’ means for another blog entry..it’s already a topic of discussion amongst many women)

For now, he and others encouraged me to remain free:  free of attachment to any Master or Dom…but free to explore and to understand my nature. Remain, in Gorean terms….a Free Woman.

I bit. It was a chance to discover me.  To explore  that ‘perfection’

I have always been chary of anyone telling me I could be perfect.  Or to “Be his perfection”.  What? Me? I could barely be average…or normal…how could I obtain this high pedestal of ‘perfection’?  When I heard this word, perfection, I immediately thought of preachers here in the south, who were always proclaiming perfection before God…that we are Perfect because we are Made Of God…and then we read that they are in jail because they have bilked their churches or molested some choir member.  So I got turned off to the idea of perfection. More later down this entry, but my neighbor with the booming voice is interrupting my thoughts here…

And about submission? Recently a woman I have come to love much, told me in no uncertain terms that submission was something that was, not something I did.

Wow..did that put a different spin on things.  I carried my submission inside already..and I knew this. I just didn’t know how the others parts (of dominance) fit…well, they were the yin/yang of it all…the complete package.

We are made up of many parts..and dominance is part of the mix…we aren’t purely submission. These parts are tested against each other, but it is only in the thinking that they are ‘questionable’ that caused the confusion.

So, submission to me is that mix of what you are inside…not what you do.  It is deep within your nature….It IS your nature, if you are a woman. (I won’t go into the male equation of this…I am not qualified by any means…I can only talk about my sex)

Perfection:  we are already, inside..made from the beginning…we work on those things we can…character flaws…things that make us obnoxious, etc. We can handle that…we can make those kinds of changes.

But the beauty (or the essence )  of our perfection is that  each of us is unique and original…no cookie cutters allowed.

Our perfection is our individuality. I’m no longer worried about this issue of perfection.  It’s usually defined by someone else’s defining, and it might not ‘fit’.  I’m just joyful to figure out finally that the parts all fit, and have since the beginning…before I knew any questions.  Now that doesn’t mean that I can’t work on the rough edges, but life has a way, like stones in a tumbler…of making those smoother.

and finally Service:  Service is what you do through love for the other. To ease their way in life, to make their lives more comfortable, bearable, and pleasant.  In the doing, you are giving service to the other.  It is big and small things, whether to pair socks or get up there on the roof with a nail gun.

We work in tandem in marriage.  We work in service like our grandparents did without giving labels.  We do what needs to be done because we are in service to the other through love.

At least this is the way I see these things now.  Hopefully, they will deepen.

UPDATE:  All these things changed…my understanding of these things.  Basically, I believe that weak men are most keen on these issues of service/submission/perfection.  They set a scale here, and you have to jump to their satisfaction.  Really now….where in Hell does a cyberpath or a sociopath, which seems to be the usual brand of these fellows…get to set the marks?  My husband, through his patience, gentleness and compassion has opened me up to more possibilities than any fake ‘dom’.  We are not stumbling around on terms, calling ourselves doms or submissives…because these labels are for those who are either oppressive or subject themselves as fools.  I hope I have grown enough to see the truth…at least  my sorry  experience with these jackasses has taught me something about self-worth….but only far, far away from them.  They are sorry pieces of humanity. 

I was far stronger than any of these men.  I just didn’t know it at the time.  I do now.  I hope other women will avoid the stupid traps and pitfalls of these above issues.  Love and connection is what counts in any relationship. 

Lady Nyo – Jane

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