“Pain and Pleasure” a continuing discussion…

From a reader, Tessa. Her experiences as to this issue of pain and pleasure.

Tessa

I met Chris several years ago in a BD/SM chat room. I believe I messaged him with something about his profile. We struck up a conversation and talked about S/M and other sexual topics.

He was intelligent and not a troll. I had to sign on to my computer the next night to look for him. He told me I was to refer to him as “Sir”. We chatted again and he started to explore my masochistic side. He was a turn on for me. I enjoyed his Dominance and it fed me to be more submissive to him when we spoke. Talking several weeks online led to phone discussions.

He turned me on, I was always in a high state of arousal when we talked. He knew how to make me feel things I never felt before. He talked to me, telling me what he would do to me if we met. It would include the cat –o- nine tales. Whips, and nipple clamps. Also, there were talks of butt plugs. He did not want to scar me, or go to an extreme of cutting or anything like that. It was merely pain for pleasure. He talked of spanking me, binding me, and he did talk of ropes, I can not recall if he called it shibari or not.

He was aroused when we would play, he was more aroused when the pain of something would take me higher. I did cum many times with him on the phone. I got to the point that just seeing his name online or hearing his voice would put me in a state of arousal. I couldn’t help it. I suppose he was training me, now that I look at it.

I never explored my masochistic side before, although, I did enjoy being spanked which was playfully done to me before. I loved being bound, helpless and enjoyed the thought of not knowing what would happen next to me.

He would have me blindfold myself, tease myself and put clothes pins on my nipples, it hurt but felt good, knowing that I was obeying and exciting him too.

He got off on my pain, and being able to take what he could, and would give me.

He also mentioned the electric wand and how he would use it on me. I was intrigued and knowing I would be willing to let “Him” Do it to me. I wanted to feel powerless, I wanted him to have all the power, to do what he wanted. However, I really did not want to feel my body bleeding or anything like that. He never went that far, it was always about pain and pleasure.

Years have passed and no longer speak. It was my decision to break it off. I have a very hard time , not signing back online using that screen name to find him. He stirred and brought things to life for me that I never knew that I had inside me. I miss those feelings, I long for them again.

I am not a pain slut, but I believe I am a masochist. I don’t need pain to be aroused, however, to an extent I love it.

I think of Chris a lot, and when I think of him I get that little sinking feeling in my belly. That warm place that is needful. I used my hand on myself, wishing it was his. I thank him for showing something deep inside me, that I didn’t know was there until he woke it.

Tessa

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3 Responses to ““Pain and Pleasure” a continuing discussion…”

  1. ladynyo Says:

    I wish I could understand more the dynamic of this arousal in a Sadist.

    I am getting a view on the arousal (patterns) of woman, who consider themselves to be masochistic, or pain sluts, but I just don’t have an idea what is happening with the Sadist.

    Perhaps a Sadist will comment or write privately and explain what happens when he applies pain to his masochist and and how it arouses him. I can imagine the physical procedure, but am more interested in the mental issues here.

    Lady Nyo

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  2. smotp Says:

    Thank you Tessa for sharing your experience.

    I can’t help but think that what you describe is a little one sided. It would seem that it is you giving and feeling pleasure in that giving with little feedback from your Dom other than the knowledge that your complete obedience satified him.

    Despite your clear personal needs and delight in your self discovery, that you terminated the relationship suggests you found it ultimately unsatisfactory on some level?

    It seems to me it has a degree of similarity with the eurge or desire to offer ‘service’ that was discussed here a while ago.

    I once discussed an amateur video clip with a partner. It was of a young woman very erotically fucking herself on the gear stick (shift) of an autombile. It was the inspiration for a scene that I play out with my partners during our sessions.

    I commented that the girl appeared to be very into what she was doing, enjoying it a great deal. My partner suggested that perhaps her pleasure had more to do with her pleasing the cameraman who was her boyfriend.

    Setting the issue of actors playing parts aside, I felt it was an interesting male/female subjective comparison. Perhaps even a commentary of sorts on the relationship that Tessa described and many similar BDSM Dom/sub relationships.

    My regards

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  3. ladynyo Says:

    I was over on fetlife last night…couldn’t sleep, and went to the board of “Sadists and Masochists”.

    Learned a lot. Just when I thought I was getting a handle on this issue of S/m….a whole new round of ‘responses’ raised their heads…raison d’etres, etc.

    One thing I have come to embrace: human sexuality is as individual as those practicing it.

    Perhaps Tessa will write again and expain why she broke off , but I think she is a smart cookie.

    Like

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