A Woman’s Blessing and this issue of Submission.

Talking to a good friend this morning who just went through a major surgery, we were exchanging garden observations.  Her zucchinis and cukes are in overabundance and I have none.  We both have tomatoes but none too red.  The point of this is just that we both, being women, enjoy the gardening and all the issues of keeping our families fed, our houses bearable, and the summer canning and usage of good things from the garden.

We both went through this issue of “submission” and what it means for women.  At least women either interested or influenced in some way by D/s.  We found a lot of holes in the doing, and especially from the lips of men.

Distilled down, we thought it an  issue that could be good and very bad.  It could be something that cleaved us more to our husbands or it could curtail our creativity, our growth.  I’ve seen it both ways.  Some men are so insecure, especially from what I have seen in the hard-line ‘Gorean’ species,  (which is why when you base your philosophies on fairy tales, you could end up counting angels on the heads of pins…) and in the bdsm scene a lot….well, somethings are just stupid.

My friend and I have talked a lot about these issues:  what defines us as women?  Well, it’s in the day to day…and we don’t need no stinky bdsm philosophies to ‘tell’ us what we are.

I am blessed to have the freedom to work at home.   My dear Husband does not need me to work outside the home to supplant the home finances, he thinks in his German- Catholic upbringing that women should be ‘allowed’ to keep the home fires burning.

To that end I think my responsibilities are to constantly feed that home fire.  I do teach belly dancing, and that doesn’t bring in much money, but he has great hope I will become that elusive “famous author” someday  and make money this way.

Hah!  He knows nothing of publishing, literary fiction, what is happening in the publishing world especially right now, and he doesn’t know the competition.  But he loves to read my novels and stories and he foots all the bills for  publishing and promotion.   He thinks that is part of his role, to be supportive in all my endeavors.

He’s a wonderful man.  Secure in himself, with what he already is, he is a wonderful example of a decent and compassionate man.  His wiring is good.

After a recent period of some strange influences, we have come to a balance within our marriage.  I have all the freedoms to do as I want and this makes it imperative that I expend this freedom in the best ways possible. I know now what it is that makes me  happy and it’s a simple connection with what makes this marriage and family run in the best ways.  Or something like that.

Today I have been repairing linens, cutting out the pieces for a white, cotton kimono to wear as I dash from the shower in the garden to the house. I’ve made 4 pints of grape  and 10 pints of kudzu jelly.  I am planning on making loaves of french bread for this evening to go with the basil pesto.  I’ve collected eggs from our hens and checked on the growth of the tomatoes and grapes (this last is rather screwy. First year for grapes so we don’t know what we should be looking for, but they are tiny purple/black things and very bitter.)

These chores, which are really blessings, I account for the responsibilities I have to this marriage and family.  I don’t know where these issues of submission come in anymore, because what we have found out is this:

There is a balance within the ‘nature’ of both the man and woman in this house.  We are settled into the natural routine that pleases us both and gives the greatest amount of comfort and security.  If this is submission, I  embrace it, but it certainly is not what I have observed in many cases.

Yes, yes, I know about this issue of ‘power-exchange’.  We are ignoring it.  Or at least tending to it.  We both know our roles and there is peace.

As to his ‘dominance’, it’s a natural flow from his character as a man. He knows his duties and leads by doing.  He is a fine example to our only child, a son.  He has no rattling ego to dodge or to fear.  He is a naturally manly man whose only bad habit is to goose the wife when she is bent over the oven with hot things in her hands.

Overall, blessings to stroke and to cherish.

KUDZU JELLY… a Southern jelly.   That weed from Japan.

4 cups of kudzu flowers (those purple/lavender blooms that look like wisteria blooms under the leaves)

4 cups of boiling water.

Seep overnight in the fridge.  A gray liquid results when you strain the flowers from the bowl.  Throw flowers away, and keep the gray liquid.  Heat up in high pan and put 1 lemon of fresh juice into the gray liquid and it become purple!  Boil for a few minutes with 6 cups of sugar and throw in one packet of liquid pectin (or powdered).

Boil for one minute.

IF you boil your lids for a few minutes, you can usually decant the jelly into the CLEAN glass jars and screw down lids, turn over for 30 minutes or so, and you don’t have to seal in a pressure cooker.

Kudzu jelly is a beautiful clear jelly that tastes like a cross of grape and strawberry.  Keeps forever, but we give them away as holiday gifts.

Lady Nyo

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8 Responses to “A Woman’s Blessing and this issue of Submission.”

  1. shia1 Says:

    We are lucky in many ways, aren’t we? We have the best of both worlds. We may not be rich but we are rich in other things. For me it is cukes and zucchini..lol Wish you lived closer I would share.

    You have a lot of energy making jelly and jam. I am jealous of that. I don’t have anything to can or make jelly with. I have plum tree’s but this is not the year for plums. Next year. It is an every other year thing.

    I love being out in the garden, watching everything grow and once it starts it really takes off. Bumper crops all at once. I wanted to make salsa this year but I don’t think I will have many tomatoes this year.

    Today is a day of celebration for you, take each minute and reflect how lucky you are. Me too.

    Your writing is great as usual, I really enjoy reading your stories.



  2. ladynyo Says:

    Awwwhhh…thanks, shia. Yes, today is definitely a day of celebration. I AM a lucky girl.

    We both have come a long way over the past few years, and listening to ourselves, and cultivating healthy friends and influences is the key to a happy life. I really feel sorry for that poor girl who is rather deficient in mental issues and so slavish in her life. With two young kids, what kind of example is she? She will blow up someday in self-hatred. We already see the frustration.

    That’s what age and maturity brings, shia, some common sense which isn’t too common nowadays. We just have to pick more wisely those influences and interests.

    I am envious of your cukes and zucchini. I’ve never planted those before (the dick looking things….lol!) but will try next year.

    Hey! I’ve been living on gazpacho soup…or as my family calls it: Gestapo soup. Because I INSIST they eat it at almost every dinner.

    Tomatoes, tomato juice if you have it, otherwise water, cukes, celery, garlic, parsley (if you have it!) green/red/yellow peppers (again, if you have it) all in the blender…but mostly tomatoes …sometimes I just use canned tomatoes if the ripe ones aren’t plentiful from the garden…same taste.

    It’s supposed to taste better overnight in the fridge, but we make a LOT of it so it gets plenty of flavor-mingle.

    wizz around for a few minutes….and serve with a dollop of sour cream on top. S/P to taste. I’m forgetting something here, but I’ll remember it later and email you it.

    But Gestapo Soup is a great summer meal..with french (resistance) bread…hey! that is so easy.

    5 cups of flour/1.5 cups of water, packet of yeast, 1 teaspoon salt, a little olive oil or peanut oil, and I get the Husband or Son to do the kneading….2 or three times…depending on where they are.

    I score the loaves with a knife and bake only until golden….the crust is hard and the inners are soft like they should be.

    Make pesto….basil (or other herbs can be substituted), smashed garlic (I use my meat tenderizer hammer and smash everything up first….) olive oil and parmesan cheese.
    All in the blender. Rip off the French bread into chunks…small….. put the pesto in saucers and dip with the Gazpacho soup. Don’t use too much basil.

    With a bottle of wine, that’s a great summer time dinner.

    Oh, thanks for reading the stories….I really appreciate it. I hope they are entertaining.

    Love and Hugs….


  3. Berowne Says:

    Hey, we have a dozen lemon trees in our front yard; some months I need a laundry basket to harvest them. Maybe we should work out a barter arrangement.


  4. Margie Says:

    It sounds like you have a lovely garden – we missed this year – although we do have a volunteer cucumber in the front of the house, and a watermelon vine way in the back. I guess the birds planted them! Lots of herbs that are doing really well. We’re building a retaining wall in the back and going to get a load of dirt to fill in and level off a nice flat garden space.

    I’m so glad you posted the recipe for kudzu jelly – I would have asked (LOL). I never knew kudzu was good for anything except choking off the trees and empty fields! I might have to try it!


  5. ladynyo Says:

    Oh! Damn!!! You lucky dog~

    Lemons are .50 here a piece….and I use lemons a LOT.

    Oh…I wish I had something to barter with. I only have tomators and boy they don’t ship well..I tried a few years ago to ship 3 large ones to Savannah…and they ended up mush.

    You are sooooo lucky!!! That would be gold to me..


  6. ladynyo Says:

    Oh Margie…get that wall built and get that soil placed.

    Or just build parterres like we did for years….and garden in those. hell, garden in bottomless buckets!~ Any place for a garden is a good place regardless the ‘look’.

    Our garden is new only because of the sewer line….20 years of mature garden gone, but the upside is that the soil seems to be so much more fertile. New, from our compost pile back in the back/back.

    Tomatoes: they will all come in at the same time this year…lol! only ten vines planted but damn!!! They are prolific. They aren’t heirlooms this year, but what I could find at Swint’s (our feed store)….beefeaters, Rutgers, Best Boys, Better Boys, but big!! The vines are now around 7 feet if they didn’t flop over into each other. Those tomato cages don’t hold much tomato vine down here. yesterday we had “Tomato Tart” one of my favorites. I think I’ll post two recipes tonight just because they are easy and good.

    Yes, the birds are wonderful pollinators but they never drop the seeds where you want them.

    I’ll write something about kudzu because people don’t know what you can use that damn vine for…except in NY,…the Mafia would use it to cover the bodies….it grows a foot a day.



  7. z Says:


    Just a few words from me.
    You are indeed fortunate that you have the opportunity to settle into a natural balance and rhythm with your partner. I do not confuse that balance with the ‘natural Order’ espoused by some cultic groups.

    You have achieved a level of satisfaction that is reflecting the biological and psychological functions of male and female. The female nurturing and bringing comfort to a true partnership.

    However, our society no longer reflects that ancient arrangement. Our intellectual achievements and aspirations take us all in a different direction.
    Setting aside the spectrum of human sexuality and behaviour most women in the Western world have taken on a homogenity of function with men.
    Both sexes find themselves out of the balance you describe so eloquently.
    Hence the searching for something to satisfy those un met psychic and biologic urges.

    In some cases that searching leads to the excesses you have described in other posts.

    You know that I dislike stereotypical labels. D/s and BDSM can be like uniforms constraining one into a set of alternate social ‘norms’.
    Sex is the closest and most intimate of partnerships. The libido perhaps the strongest biologic driver we have. It is no surprise that this arena is where our most basic needs are often expressed,

    To be ‘submissive’ is quite natural. However, it does not have to entail bindings and whips, nor utter slavery to another.
    It is naturally expressed in the opening to a lover and receiving what they give.

    I guess that where the balance you have now found is missing from their role, the reaction is to seek a more intense expression of submission. It may be this is where the problems of abuse and violation can arise.

    Just a few musings

    My regards



  8. ladynyo Says:

    I’m going to move this very good comment to the face of the blog, because it contains much of what I believe now is true, and also it will be buried in the comments. Too valuable to do that. Plus, I want to answer some of this in a way that clarified from my own experience.

    Thank you, “Z” for chiming in here…it’s been a longggg ride to this place of balance and stability.

    Lady Nyo.


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