“Autumn Dusk”, for OneShotWednesday

 

"Early Autumn Dusk" Oil, janekohut-bartels, 2007

This Sunday we escaped the gulag and headed up to the North Georgia Mountains.  Packed some sandwiches and a dog and with each receeding mile felt the stress of the city fall off.

My God!  Each autumn we try to make room for this but each season passes and we are stuck with the duller leaves in the lowlands of Atlanta.

Not this time.  It was almost sensory overload as we headed north into the mountains.  We printed out a map, from Mapquest, which was useless….getting almost everything wrong, so we threw the map in the back where the hound ate it and just drove.  We stopped at various road side stores and stands and bought pecks of apples, cheese, cider, tomatoes, squash, etc. and also rocks.

Not just any rocks, but pink quartz, amethyst, a crystal called “Japanese twin” and something called ‘pepsolite’.  Pete, the old hippie originally from Michigan,  said that was the way he heard it, and it works fine for me.  We talked for a while, just because Pete was a blast from the past, and we exchanged stories about acid, mescaline, mushrooms and very bad trips.  Pete, if the truth be told, had a lot more experience in these things, but he was such a charming fellow it was worth the gab.  He gave me a lovely discount because he ‘recognized an old hippie when he met one.’  LOL!

I brought paper and pen in the off chance that the change of environment would inspire some poems, and I got three out of this trip.  When I get to looking at them, I’ll probably post one or two.  Just the road sign “Night Fire Road” brought forth a poem.  Who couldn’t write poetry faced with that?

We only spent 7 hours on the road trip, but came back rested and happy.  The poem I’m posting for OneShotWednesday wasn’t from the trip, but it does express something about Autumn.

Lady Nyo

AUTUMN DUSK

Stuttering winds blow across

Clouds tinted by the failing sun.

Brittle air softens,

Now a faded blue–

Shade of an old man’s watery eyes.

A late flock of Sandhill cranes lift off,

Pale bodies blending in the

Twilight with legs

Flowing dark streamers,

Their celestial cries fall to

Earth–

A harsh, chiding rain.

The trees in the valley

Are massed in darkness

As waning light leaches

Color from nature,

Creeps from field to hillock

And all below prepares for the

Rising of the Corn Moon.

Even frogs in the pond

Listen between croaks

For the intention of the night.

 

Jane Kohut-Bartels

Copyrighted, 2010

 

 

 

 

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39 Responses to ““Autumn Dusk”, for OneShotWednesday”

  1. brian Says:

    ah…beautiful scene…two parts i really love…the old mans eyes…and the frogs pausing to listen to intention…nice one shot!

    Like

  2. ladynyo Says:

    Hey Brian…..LOL!…you know how some poems wander all over the map before they jell? This one did that.

    My favorite parts are the frogs and the massing of trees. sorta spooky?

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave a comment. Again, I really see these poems thru different eyes when people read and comment. Helps with growth.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  3. Steve Isaak Says:

    Nailed that autumn feeling, my friend. So many quotable lines in this, it’s one of the best poems (along with Michael Perkins’s) that I’ve read thus far. You write at a level, I fear sometimes, that it’d be easy to take your excellence for granted, it’s so constant. . . not EVERY piece, but most, which is the best any of us can do, right? 🙂

    Like

  4. Desert Rose Says:

    that was really nice..i enjoyed the whole read, well built structure..beautiful one shot lady ! 🙂

    Like

  5. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you so much! What a kick to see your poems through the eyes of other poets.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  6. tuberider Says:

    I loved the last stanza about the frogs! Nice one.

    Like

  7. shanellis Says:

    Gorgeous autumnal feel. Really liked the way you expressed the simplicity of what you see, but with a detail that made me feel I was really there.

    Thanks for sharing

    Like

  8. ladynyo Says:

    Bless your heart, Steve!! LOL!….except that “bless your heart’ isn’t what it appears in the South….LOL!

    Ah, shit, Steve….you know the struggle to write poetry…any poetry…and when we land on all four feet, it’s a blessing and a challenge to do it again.

    But it’s a struggle. I am constantly haunted by words, phrases that I used that were pure bathos…and I didn’t know it. LOL!

    I think the trick…is life…living as long as you can and writing as much as you can….we gotta develop, right? Keeping our eyes, and especially our emotions open to all that surrounds us. At your age, Steve, you do a pretty damn good job of this, and your writing shows it.

    Reading the poets that you fall into….for me, it’s Frost and a few others…and not imitating them, but learning what it is about them that pulls at the heart and senses. Finding your ground. Creating those internal landscapes and conversations that have something about a ‘universality’ about them that can reach out to others. That’s a learned trick, I think, but a valuable one.

    Maybe simplifying…coming back to simplicity. Throwing out grandiose ideas expressed with grandiose words….or keeping those ideas by relating them in more down to earth terms? I just don’t yet know, because 3 or 4 years into this poetry writing hasn’t yet given me a stable base to draw upon with confidence.

    You know I’m only 3-4 years into poetry…and it’s really a struggle….it SHOULD be a struggle…sometimes it comes very easily, but I am suspicious about that, actually. No pain shit…no gain?

    I think we all find our metier? Is that the word? Brian writes such wonderful internal landscape, so do you…that it pulls you right into the dialogue of colors, sensations, etc.

    Thanks, Steve.

    Jane

    Like

  9. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Shanellis.

    I think simplicity is the heart of this poem…or at least perhaps. I know I can get really tied up in imagery and lose any message. I’ve done it countless times in attempting nature poetry…LOL!

    Thank you for reading and enjoying this poem.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  10. ladynyo Says:

    LOL~ Thank you! Yeah, that’s my favorite part of the poem, too.

    I was thinking about a full moon while walking under it in my back yard last fall, and had a stray bullfrog (where do they come from in an urban environment???) croak softly in the small fish pond. This is where the frogs came from….

    Thank you for reading and leaving a comment.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  11. DULCE Says:

    Great you did not miss such a bliss this year… i got lost in the middle of it… i was there as i read

    Loved this one shot!
    😉

    Like

  12. Gay Cannon Says:

    Beautiful – the poem is a lovely complement to the painting. You captured those few moments when things are drained of color at the end of the day that inspire some and want others to shutter it out as though the fading of light and color is a daily death. Great capture. Thanks, Gay @beachanny

    Like

  13. moondustwriter Says:

    your watercolor is beautiful
    and the poem with the old man’s watery eyes, chiding rain, and the corn moon give each word meaning

    Very memorable One Shot

    thanks from the Moon

    Like

  14. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Moon!

    That watercolor is one of my few oils…..LOL! I went over to wc in 95 and promptly forgot how to paint in oil. That was one of my more recent and last oils.

    I’m learning that a careful picking of words, and tense…(I am always deficient in tenses) can make or break a poem….

    Thank you, Moon, for reading and leaving such a lovely comment.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  15. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you!, Gay. I think being a painter helps a little bit in the imagery….or perhaps something. But I agree with you…dusk is a mightily magical moment….and evocative of so much more than death…but that, too.

    Thank you so much for reading and leaving a comment. I learn about my own poetry…extend the meanings..through the eyes of other poets!

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  16. ladynyo Says:

    LOL!! Well, Dulce…it’s a trick to look up at the trees, the patchwork of the foliage and also down at the paper I was trying to scribble on. Luckily, my husband was doing all the driving….Those Hairpin Turns!!

    Yikes….the Hound in the back (Shepherd and Hound Dog…as the locals identified him…and dammit! they were right! I hadn’t seen a hound in years and completely overlooked this possibility in his DNA…) developed his sealegs very well on this trip.

    Half the work in a poem, or anything you write is done if you can put another reader right there besides you. I’m very glad you were there.

    Thanks so much for reading and leaving this comment.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  17. Ben Langhinrichs Says:

    I love both the painting and the poem. I especially like the way the darkness seems to have a mass, leaching the color and creeping around.

    Nice one shot!

    Like

  18. June_Butterfly Says:

    I still struggle with my words everytime I write.More often than not I can’t seem to get away from one path.I so envy people who can write in so many directions without losing the initial path.

    Totally loved the read.Beautiful one shot.

    Like

  19. dustus Says:

    Beautiful poem. Found your descriptions of nature mesmerizing.

    Like

  20. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Dustus. Nature is the fountainhead for a lot of poetry.

    Thank you for reading and leaving a comment.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  21. gospelwriter Says:

    Much here that is deeply evocative. I loved especially the image of cranes’ legs / Flowing dark streamers, and

    Even frogs in the pond
    Listen between croaks
    For the intention of the night.

    And I know exactly what shade of blue you mean in the first stanza.

    Lovely poetry, thank you.

    Like

  22. ladynyo Says:

    June, I know what you mean. I struggle all the time with words…poetry seems to allow a freedom with words….an invention? I wrote a poem this weekend on that trip into the mountains and the word (???) gushlets , which my spell check tells me doesn’t exist….seemed to fit exactly what I wanted.

    I don’t know, because I haven’t been writing poetry very long, but perhaps we start on one path and it leads to another, and then another? I started on an erotica site (Erotica Readers and Writers Ass) and worked my poetry around that genre. Then, I branched out because I didn’t have much more to say on that subject…lol!

    I think it’s ok to get lost on an initial path? I think we find development and freedom….we expand our boundaries…things we are comfortable with…when we allow ourselves to venture on shaky and unknown territory. At least I hope so.

    Thank you so much for reading and leaving something of your own struggle with words. I think this is very helpful for the rest of us. Or at least for me.

    And I, too…admire those who write in so many directions. Steve Isaak is a fine example of this.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  23. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Ben.

    I think this poem came forth in creeping segments….LOL!..Maybe sweeping, from the sky/clouds, setting sun, to the earth and to the frogs….

    I like the massing of trees into the dark, and that was more of a ‘painterly’ thought. I was thinking, as I remember writing it…of how darkness sweeps across the land. The “Corn Moon” actually was an afterthought….had to give this some destination…LOL!

    The painting was done way before the poem, but I have quite a number of landscapes from 10 years or so ago, and have tried to ‘fit’ a painting to a poem. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

    Thank you so much for reading and leaving a comment.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  24. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Ben. I wrote a longish reply and lost it! Damn!

    Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. Deeply appreciated.

    Cheers!

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  25. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, gospel writer.

    I lean on a lot of animal references in poetry….usually birds, but the frogs were new and unused…LOL!

    Thank you for reading and leaving a comment.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  26. Shashi Says:

    Even the frogs in the pond listen to the croaks… beautiful.. Thanks

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
    Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

    Like

  27. ladynyo Says:

    Thanks for reading and leaving a comment, Shashi.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  28. D.C. Lutz Says:

    Once again you have taken me to a place, guided me there with each word as if a path was being laid, brick by brick, before my eyes and before I knew it I was miles from my living room. Thanks for taking us with you on this trip!

    Like

  29. Belinda Says:

    This is so beautiful. And the ending lines are so simple I wish I’d written them.

    Like

  30. ladynyo Says:

    LOL! I’ve been there reading a lot of poetry on this site: wishing I had written those poems.

    Thank you, Belinda, for reading and leaving such a heartfelt comment.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  31. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, D.C.

    I wanted to write a lot more about this trip to the North Georgia Mountains, but I knew that I had to pick something for OneShotWednesdays. I did write three poems on the trip….sketchy things, that need a lot of rework.

    But then again, poetry usually IS a lot of work…careful piecing together imagery, picking the ‘right’ words, trying to reign in all the other ghosts that circle your head demanding inclusion in what you are trying to develop. LOL!

    Today I have been working on something I started two years ago. “Memories of a Rotten Childhood”….a collection of essays that are sometimes funny ( I hope) and sometimes poignant and perhaps tragic. Actually, Bill Penrose who does all the button pushing for me…(formatting) with Lulu.com for the books….tells me that my ‘rotten’ childhood wasn’t so rotten. LOL!.. I picked the word ‘rotten’ because I knew it was provocative. It is about growing up in the 50’s-70’s in the countryside of New Jersey.

    I think when we actually think about it, our writing in general IS like brick laying: we create a pattern and hope that it remains stable enough to draw forth traffic.

    Something like that.

    Thank you for reading and leaving such a lovely comment.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  32. Tony Single Says:

    Honestly, what more can I add that hasn’t already been said about this fine piece of writing? I’m constantly amazed (and secretly a little jealous) at the general high quality of all the One Shot participants, and yours is at the top of that pile, Lady Nyo! Fantastic!

    Like

  33. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Tony, but as I have said here…I’ve only been writing poetry for around three years. I have yet to earn my chops. I read other poets on OneShot and get sick because they seem effortless and well developed.

    I think it is generally a hit or miss situation with poetry. When I think of all the dogs I have surrounding the few good ones…and believe me, I try to pick the better hounds for this site…

    Well, there are so many good poets here…and I understand that issue of jealousy. Perhaps it’s just part of human nature, and perhaps makes us strive to write better.

    One thing I am doing though…is trying to study poetry…structure, form, rhythm, etc. It’s really hard because the trick is to make it look effortless.

    Perhaps getting rid of adjectives, and simplifying our thoughts and writing is part of the game here. I’m not sure, and I am also suspicious of how poetry has developed over the past 50 years. It seems that obscurantism has become a very popular style. I like things I can get my head and heart around but that is only because I am not very sophisticated in my tastes.

    I would really like for some poets here to discuss how they approach poetry and how it ‘happens’ for them. I know that there are academics amongst us, and I would also like to hear them.

    Thank you, Tony….for reading and leaving this lovely comment. I have miles and miles to go.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  34. mona Says:

    You have sketched a picture as beautiful with words as the painting itself!

    Love the visual Imagery!

    Like

  35. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Mona. As we know, poetry is work, and that came crashing home to me last night as I sat up half the night with a short poem trying to ‘get it right’! LOL!

    Sometimes I think painting is a LOT easier than a poem.

    Thank you for reading and leaving such a lovely comment!

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  36. Michael Says:

    absolutely beautiful…

    Like

  37. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Michael.

    Like

  38. pete marshall Says:

    that was serene and wonderfully written…thanks for continuing to support one stop..cheers pete

    Like

  39. ladynyo Says:

    Hey Pete! Thanks for reading and your lovely comment.

    Next week I am going to post something that is a work-in-progress…..and I just don’t know where or IF it is going any place. Kicking the traces here….and will see the effect on readers. It’s a different sort of poetry than I have shown here….but then again, I might play safe! LOL!

    Thank you, again….

    Lady Nyo

    Like

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