Haiku for OneShotPoetry, Shashi’s Challenge!

Some Haiku

A pale half moon drifts
Across a wintry sky.
Trees become monsters.

Over us the stars
Glitter-  laughing witnesses~
Reach up and hang there!

Autumn winds compel
Apples to tumble from trees.
Worms make the journey.

Ice blocks the river.
Look! A duck is frozen there.
Nature– no mercy.

The garden spiders
Fold their black spindly legs,
Die, all work now done.

Come kiss my warm lips
Cup my breast in your rough hand,
Growl into my mouth.

I chase one red leaf
Across dry and brittle grass
Juice of summer gone.

I come to the end
My life being no different.
It was as is now.

This is challenging!  I’m adding some more…..

Autumn Haiku

Under the dark moon

I awaited your return.

Only shadows came.

The light falling snow

Envelops the heart and earth

Better to forget.

Tips of trees bursting

Into the sun, while the dark

Earth claims the bottom.

There is nothing there

Except the scream of the wind.

Even dogs don’t howl.

Skeleton-trees wave

While the wind whips dead leaves

Wood smoke scents the air.

The moon, a ghostly

Sliver, rides on a jet sea

While dogs howl beneath.

A pendulum heart

Beats the cadence of a life,

Trips, sputters, brings death.

Pale lavender sky

Balances the moon and sun

The scale shifts to night.

 

Jane Kohut-Bartels

Copyrighted, 2008-2011

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29 Responses to “Haiku for OneShotPoetry, Shashi’s Challenge!”

  1. Khakjaan Wessington Says:

    Best use of haiku I’ve seen in a while. Love how you made it modular.

    Like

  2. Khakjaan Wessington Says:

    Tsk, but you shouldn’t moderate comments if you want them.

    Like

  3. pete marshall Says:

    wow…youve gone to town on the haiku…some great ones here…personally i loved the duck as it appealed to my mindset..then the spider..then the life coming to an end and then the red leaf…all the best pete

    Like

  4. Desert Rose Says:

    lovely!

    Like

  5. siubhan Says:

    some beautiful haiku– i like the red leaf one the best with its end-of-summer imagery; lovely.

    Like

  6. ladynyo Says:

    Thanks, Khakjaan,
    I am a bit shaky on haiku….in the early classical form, it’s something I think we Westerners have a bit of trouble getting our heads around. That last 5 syllable line!

    Thanks for reading and for leaving a comment. Learning here…a bit more confident with tanka.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  7. ladynyo Says:

    LOL!…blame WordPress!

    Like

  8. ladynyo Says:

    Hi Pete!

    A few years ago (about three…) when I first was introduced to haiku, I wrote a ton of them….then realized that in the Japanese mindset….haiku were a bit different. I had to backtrack and learn something here…

    But I think what Shashi said: a thought frozen in the moment…or something like this….is right. it’s a very succinct statement.

    As with tanka, the forms we are given…attracted to, can be ‘modernized’, etc…without losing effect.

    I haven’t looked at these in a long time…have avoided them frankly, because after reading someone like Basho….LOL~ I found them wanting. But I do like the red leaf one best. I think it adheres to the earlier concept of haiku best.

    Thanks, Pete, for reading and leaving a comment!

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  9. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Desert Rose!

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  10. ladynyo Says:

    Hi Siubhan!

    Thank you! I like the red leaf one best, too. I think it adheres to the ‘sense’ of haiku. Or so it seems to me now.

    Thank you for reading and leaving a comment.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  11. Claudia Says:

    oh really, really nice – i esp. liked the one with the trees becoming monsters
    your haikus are really powerful

    Like

  12. ladynyo Says:

    Hi Claudia!

    LOL!…well, when you write a ton of them, sooner or later you are going to write a few that can float in water. LOL!

    I’ve been writing haiku only for a few years, and until I studied the form in its classical meaning, I didn’t really know what to look for. I still don’t much, and I think that the classical form has changed in content over the past century. People taking it up have bent the rules, and that’s fine!

    I think we should first learn the rules and then we can break them.

    Thank you, Claudia for reading and leaving a comment. I am slipping by on haiku because it’s a subject that is very deep and I haven’t made much of a study.

    For me, I know it’s hit or miss….and will be for a long time. I think you grow into haiku.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  13. Adam White Says:

    Also, lovely collection of haiku. The classic style is beautiful, no?

    Like

  14. katiewritesagain Says:

    Haiku is a precise, elegant form. This poem demonstrates the reach of such elegance. Beautiful, Jane

    Like

  15. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Katie. Haiku is also a ‘not’ emotional form of poetry. Or classically it ‘should’ be. I fail on all that, but I think we learn different ways….

    I am writing something on tanka and the difference between both forms, though one can flow into the other….still holds.

    Thank you for reading and leaving a comment, sweetie.

    Jane

    Like

  16. ladynyo Says:

    Ok, Adam…I’ll go look.

    Lady Nyo

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  17. ladynyo Says:

    Yes, it is, Adam, but my haiku falls far short of the classical style. I am just a novice here and struggling to grasp what is harder than it seems.

    Thank you for reading and your comment.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  18. Mama Zen Says:

    Each one of these is a perfect moment. I love them all.

    Like

  19. ladynyo Says:

    Thanks, Mama…

    I feel …unbalanced with haiku. It’s so short a network to make some sort of poetry! We English speaking people are long in the tongue…lol…and creating these abbreviated moments…well, I think it makes many of us uneasy.

    Thank you so much for reading and leaving a comment. Helps.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  20. bluebee Says:

    Simply stunning Haiku, Lady Nyo!

    Like

  21. Shashi Says:

    Dear Lady Nyo

    Each one is a gem and perfectly chiseled. I liked all of them but the two that I relate to very much is

    Come kiss my warm lips
    Cup my breast in your rough hand,
    Growl into my mouth.

    Tips of trees bursting
    Into the sun, while the dark
    Earth claims the bottom.

    a haiku moment, painted with words perfectly.

    Shashi
    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2010/11/still-life-fountains-of-spiritual.html
    Twitter @VerseEveryDay

    Like

  22. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Shashi. After I read your presentation to Oneshot, I learned so much. So I have to say that without false modesty, I am still very unbalanced on this issue of haiku.

    Perhaps I make more of it than I should. I do know that with tanka, there is almost two poems, with the pivot with that third line. The last 7/7 either reinforces or unites the top two lines. Perhaps my problem is that I am looking for this ‘division’ in haiku?

    Well, thank you, Shashi. Two, three years ago I had much more confidence in writing haiku! LOL! That was before I started reading how HARD they are to write well.

    Sometimes ignorance is bliss!

    Thank you, Shashi for reading and leaving a comment. I am learning so much!

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  23. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Bluebee.

    Thank you for reading and leaving this kind comment.

    I read your latest poem and I LOVE it!

    The imagery is sharp and it’s a very satisfying poem!

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  24. Liras Says:

    Lady Nyo. Very pretty, especially the first set.

    Like

  25. ladynyo Says:

    Thanks, Liras!

    Sometimes haiku (when I really miss the classical intention…which is usually) feels like popcorn…nothing profound or lasting. Sometimes I can get it right, but that is probably very rare!

    Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. Much appreciated.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

  26. Steve Isaak Says:

    I think I’ve read some of these before – am too tired/overwhelmed by life to check your books – but. . . whatever the case, LOL.

    One blanket word for all of these: wow! So much excellence in a row. Had to read these a few times, they were that. . . again. . . wow.

    Like

  27. ladynyo Says:

    Steve!
    We have known each other for a few years….read books, etc.. read each others work from that site ERWA…and yes, the top few I think were in my first book….”A Seasoning of Lust”…(“shameless promotion”as some filly jackass from that site said about my blog/first book…LOL!) but I’m too tired to remember or to search the house for the one remaining copy to check…

    Writing and publishing ain’t the ‘easy’ thing we thought in the beginning, right? I can understand the ‘overwhelmed by life” issue…it is spreading, friend to this side of the soil.

    Well, you are being too kind about these haiku. One thing I did when I went back and read Shashi’s presentation again was realize that some of these are very far from the ‘classical’ mark. And so it is with tanka, too…

    But! We ain’t classical Japanese poets, and our culture, times, society intrudes upon our best intentions vis a vis ‘classical’ stuff….and that is ok, I think. I hope.

    I do know that I am struggling with tanka right now….and that tanka shouldn’t be freeverse. There are distinctions to all of this poetry, and learning these things can be very painful to the ego.

    Thanks, dear, dear friend. And take a breather. We work ourselves into a corner and then the grave looms.

    But not yet~

    Jane

    Like

  28. Ronnie Loftin Says:

    I must express my appreciation to you just for rescuing me from this challenge. Because of surfing around throughout the the web and seeing tricks which were not helpful, I figured my life was gone. Existing devoid of the answers to the difficulties you’ve sorted out as a result of your blog post is a serious case, as well as the kind that would have negatively affected my entire career if I hadn’t noticed the website. Your actual training and kindness in dealing with the whole thing was helpful. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I hadn’t come across such a subject like this. I am able to now look ahead to my future. Thanks a lot so much for your expert and sensible help. I will not be reluctant to propose your blog to anybody who should have guide on this subject matter.

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  29. ladynyo Says:

    Haiku? Yes, it is.
    Thank you for reading.

    Lady Nyo

    Like

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