Playing with dversepoets.com “Form For All”

Oh Crap! Sam Peralta over on dversepoets.com is challenging us to write something, perhaps freeverse, sonnets, haiku, etc…but disguise it so we ‘break’ the form.

His challenge is hard enough!  I post a sonnet here, and I found that writing sonnets gave me a very different voice in poetry…one that I did not recognize in myself….and well, just was so different.

So, I want to play along, but I probably fail miserably at this game.

Lady Nyo

IMMORTAL MARRIAGE

When Lug dragged his cock upon the earth deep

And threw up mountains and hillocks in haste

Fair Aine came behind him with sweet seeds reap’d

And fertile was the land, no virgins chaste

Followed the reapers and saw the crows fly

Up in the air with black wings flapping sound.

She watered the plantings with moisture, sighed

For Lug had others of mistresses round.

Fair Aine pined in sorrow, her heart laid bare

All other women Lug held with his charm

When she walked afield, the men  did dare

To raise their eyes and hearts without alarm.

The children she bore now, peppered the earth,

And Lug still dragged his cock, taunting with mirth!

Jane Kohut-Bartels

Copyrighted, 2009, 2012

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18 Responses to “Playing with dversepoets.com “Form For All””

  1. brian miller Says:

    haha…this was rather fun and bawdry…lol….dragging his cock…do they really grow them that big? smiles…oh my sorry you got me back in middle school a bit…smiles….the crows flying around at the end of the first stanza is really nice symbolism and imagery….a sad tale though on how he is treating her…

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  2. hiroshimem Says:

    I wonder what a “black wings flapping sound” sounds like… Beautiful imagery. Well told.

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  3. henryclemmons Says:

    Oh, I liked yours more than mine. I am not much of a sonnet writer. So I thought I would desguise my free verse in a bad sonnet. I really liked yours though.

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  4. Gay Says:

    Jane, this was terrific. Love the way you melded space, time and myth into something real, gritty, commonplace. I felt such compassion and a kind of association with Aine. It really did feel like free verse.

    Mine’s very experimental, I’m afraid; not at all my usual stuff. This was a true challenge. You met it well!

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  5. ladynyo Says:

    Oh, Gay! I don’t know…LOL! I started this poem as freeverse years ago, but it just didn’t gel that way…so it turned to sonnet and the voice was something I had never heard before. I became fascinated with it, but then again…..sonnets are damn hard! LOL~!

    Thank you, Gay, for reading and your comment. I’ll be over to your blog shortly.

    Jane

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  6. ladynyo Says:

    Hi Henry! I really felt that challenge by Sam and I also really felt totally lost…trying to disguise the sonnet ….I didn’t in the end.

    THank you, Henry…I’m not much for sonnets, either…they are so hard! I am a lazy poet, and that is why I mutilate freeverse.

    Jane

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  7. ladynyo Says:

    Hello Hiroshimem…

    That’s the issue for me with sonnet….the imagery and other things become mixed up….they create strange imagery on the page and a stranger voice!

    When I reread my sonnets, they seem to be from the pen of an alien. Sonnets, at least for me, throw me back into a ‘place’ I haven’t visited…it’s a strange world after all in sonnet-land.

    All I can think is that they are tongue twisters..and mind twisters. You know (maybe) what you want to say, but you can’t say it in ‘normal’ speech….at least I can’t.

    Thank you so much for reading this and your lovely comment.

    Lady Nyo

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  8. ladynyo Says:

    Brian, I don’t want to appear a school-marm….but contain yourself. LOL!

    The ‘dragging his cock’ reference is straight out of Celtic mythology….Lug (God of Light) was supposed to have formed the earth …the valleys and mountains in this way. And yes, apparently in Celtic myth…they grow ’em that big.

    Crows themselves have substance in Celtic mythology and that is why I put them in….

    I did a lot of research about 5 years ago on Celtic mythology for a novel (still not finished….segued into two novels) “Devil’s Revenge”….that was more interesting than the original plot of mine. Celtic mythology is rank with all sorts of sexual feats (Cu Chullainn is a good example) and if you don’t behave, I’ll post a sonnet that will make you blush….

    Jane

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  9. Bodhirose Says:

    Wow..I love this. I don’t know whether you pulled off the prompt or not…I don’t believe I did either..but I fully enjoyed reading this bit of mythology…based on Lug and his cock..poor Fair Aine. I did not know of this story..thanks for total entertainment.

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  10. ladynyo Says:

    Hiya Bodirose!

    Yeah, I don’t think I pulled off the prompt either…lol!

    Celtic mythology is fascinating….and endless. There are so many variations on the same stories, it makes one dizzy!

    There is a companion piece I wrote about the same time (in the research phase of this unpublished and unfinished book…) that I will probably post next Tuesday on dversepoets. Continuing the Celtic theme.

    Thank yo so much for reading and your encouraging comment. This was a hard prompt…and yesterday I don’t think I really understood what Sam was asking…reading the pieces of other poet’s work, I get a better idea of what he was calling for.

    I’ll come over to your blog today.

    Lady Nyo

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  11. claudia Says:

    oh this is sad for her..love how you tell the story…love what you do with the form and as always love your images

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  12. ladynyo Says:

    Hi Claudia..

    Well, I stank at what Sam was asking…didn’t have it in me to change the form…so just did the sonnet form, which is hard enough for me.

    What is surprising to me every time I write these sonnets (and they are very few and far between) is this: a different voice that I wouldn’t recognize as my own. But sonnets do that, neh? They twist the tongue and the brain I believe, into a whole new pretzel.

    Thank you, Claudia for reading and your lovely comment.

    Jane

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  13. Semaphore / Samuel Peralta Says:

    Well, this is a perfectly well-formed sonnet (I won’t comment on whether the imagery is bawdy or mythologically accurate, you and Brian have had the most interesting repartee on that!)… so all you need to do was to create linebreaks here and there that would depart from the usual sonnet – that’s pretty much what I did in my own.

    Having said that, the poem does a pretty good job of rendering the mythological tableau. I am glad to have been able to read your commentary, which put everything in context. Enjoyable!

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  14. Semaphore / Samuel Peralta Says:

    I posted a reply here – but it disappeared – did it get spam-filtered?

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  15. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Sam….NOW I understand your challenge, but it was a blur to me before.

    Have you any familiarity with Celtic mythology? I will post Tuesday another sonnet for dversepoets…rather a companion piece to “Immortal Marriage”.

    For a while, Celtic mythology was the ‘go to’ inspiration for me….for many poems and for more sonnets than I can remember. I believe strongly that a study of mythology….any culture, is a great push in poetry. My last 5 years in Japanese mythology is so different from Celtic, Persian, Greek,…but it’s also one of the most complex mythologies I have ever come across.

    Thank you, Sam, for reading and your comment…and also your challenge. perhaps next time I’ll be able to follow through the prompt.

    Lady Nyo

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  16. ladynyo Says:

    Found it in spam….sigh.

    Lady Nyo

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  17. Rosemary Nissen-Wade (@SnakyPoet) Says:

    I love this sonnet, and the story. (Always been rather fond of Lug.) Came too late to this challenge myself, but it’s intriguing. I might have a go some time.

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  18. ladynyo Says:

    Hi Rosemary!

    It was quite the challenge, and I didn’t have a clue what to do with it…rather brain-numb this week.

    Lug is quite the character…I believe, if I remember correctly, he was the father of Cu Cuchulain?

    Hope next time you get to answer a challenge….it was interesting to see what people did with it.

    Jane

    Like

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