In Praise of Good Husbands…and a poem.



I have been married for many years to a man who is 8 years younger.  At first, this garnered a lot of ill will from  some family members, especially my mother.


Mother in Law


In spite of this,  we have weathered  the slings and arrows coming our way from exwives (his) and people who should have shut their collective mouths because they had nothing positive to say.  After 28 years, we are doing fine.

Women tell me how hard it is, in middle life, to reconnect with men.  Either they have been seriously hurt, or they have grown used to their own company and making room for a new man is too much work.  I can understand this. 


I have no answers. But I do feel blessed with this man.  He is tolerant, patient and a person who champions my activities.  Well, most of them.  Perhaps I am a borderline hoarder of stray animals.  He feeds, pays the vet bills and makes room on the den couch for cats (9), dogs (3) but draws the line at the 5 hens and goldfish in the pond.  On occasion, a few brave hens have come in the back door and perched on his couch.  He’s allergic to the cats and his nose hasn’t stopped running in 28 years but he does take shots. Helps.  Doesn’t help that the cats adore him and try to sleep on his chest and face.  I think they are trying to discern if he also has nine lives…

He is a gentle man and doesn’t stint on affection. I am in constant gratitude for the life he brings to me.  I only hope I can do the same .

Lady Nyo



“You’re all I have”

Heard in the dark

Heart almost stopping

In an inattentive breast.

I dare not look at him

Too bald a sentiment

And too true to bear

A light, comforting answer.

What would occasion such words,

Such a piteous sentiment?

When one has lived

Within another’s hours, days, years,

The fabric of this making

Can be frayed.

The warp and weave, the very thread

That appears as if out of air

(and it does)

becomes substantial,

it covers and clothes more than the body

and the life blood of sentiment,


Becomes the river within, unending,

Even transcending the pulse of life.

“You’re all I have,”

A whispered refrain

Echoing  in the heart

And burrowing deep.


“Poem Of My Husband” to be published in “Pitcher Of Moon, Poems of Gratitude and Blessings” hopefully soon.

Jane Kohut-Bartels

Copyrighted, 2013


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18 Responses to “In Praise of Good Husbands…and a poem.”

  1. Caliban's Sister Says:

    Lady N, this post makes me very happy today. Is it ok to tell you that your DH is also a beautiful man,with a warm handsome smile?
    Reading this right before going to work, and it put a big smile on my face. 8 yrs younger, nah, that’s nothin’. 28 years together, THAT’S something!! big love, CS


  2. ladynyo Says:

    Ahhhh…..LOL! I’m glad it put a smile on your lovely face, CS!
    He IS a beautiful man, but what is really beautiful about him is his heart and disposition. I have never found a better man, but they are out there. I was barely divorced when he came into my life, and after the turmoil of that first marriage and the divorce….well, he was balm to my soul.

    His hair is grayer now, and longer…but he looks the same. His personality doesn’t change, and he’s been my rock over all these years. I don’t think I could have survived life without him. I know that I would have never been able to write so much without his support. Since I was a mass of doubt after my divorce and that terrible marriage to a self-centered narcissist, I believe this man was a blessing from a Universe who saw someone failing miserably. He made all the difference.

    And that photo of the “mother”??? Sums it up nicely. LOL!

    Thank you CS, for reading and your lovely, lovely comment.

    Lady Nyo


  3. czbz Says:

    Well now I know the secret to keeping a husband: you have to love animals. ha! Jest kiddin’ ya…

    That as beautiful, Jane. A true joy to read. One of my longtime cyber-friends married after her thirty-plus year marriage ended. She tells me (eight years later) that she has never been happier in her life! She is so grateful to have met a man who still tells her she is beautiful (she’s almost seventy now) and makes her feel valuable, worthy and “beloved.”

    p,s, Your husband is a very handsome man and your mother? Well, she looks exactly the way I thought she would. ha! I particularly like the green hair.



  4. ladynyo Says:

    LOL! CZ!~ Yes, perhaps loving animals is the trap…er…answer. LOL~

    The animals started to be here before the husband, and because the Narcissist First Husband was so anti-animal…(once he threw a kitten off a balcony…and I threatened to call the police…the kitten was fine… I claimed later that he had a sponge as a pet, and it was a synthetic sponge…) Well, when he left me flat (on my back with a broken one at that…) a stray collie puppy and I curled up that winter and survived with no heat. His parents sent him on a Club Med. cruise…Daphne was that puppy and she died 13 years later….she was wonderful. And she loved this husband.

    I have heard more and more about marriages after terrible divorces, after years of abuse, and they work out well. Perhaps because they are based on the important stuff of life, and perhaps because we are wiser. I don’t know, but I did make a lot of mistakes with this ‘new’ husband. I was so traumatized by the first I couldn’t trust the second. But he hung in there, in the early years when I was full of self-doubt and angst.

    “The Mother”. LOL! That’s not her, but a pix I used in a blog entry on “Mother In Laws”. Actually, the first one was a royal bitch but the second one?? Oh, how I miss her! She was a wonderful, intelligent, woman who died of cancer, and was also a NUN. LOL! She became a lay nun after her 4 kids left the nest. I loved her dearly. We were planning a trip to Amish country, just the two of us, and then she got sick and was dead in less than a year. her name was Elizabeth Jane and mine was the reverse. She remains the ‘good mother’ in my heart.

    But! that pix expresses all the sentiment of my birth mother towards my husband. There are so many annoying and also funny (by accident) stories about her and my husband, but I’ll leave that for my book: “Memories of a Rotten Childhood”. LOL!

    Thank you, CZ, for reading and your wonderful comment.

    Love and Hugs!


  5. ManicDdaily Says:

    Good for you and good for him, Jane – and lovely poem. The clothes metaphor works very well. I must say –he is very good to get shots for the cats! Hope all is as well as this seems! Take care, k.


  6. ManicDdaily Says:

    And he’s cute too! Love the mother photo! k.


  7. ladynyo Says:

    “Mother” photo isn’t her, but it’s a scream, and I roll on the floor everytime I look at it! LOL!

    yep, he’s cute….and mild tempered to a point.


  8. ladynyo Says:

    Ah…cats were here before him, so he stands in line. LOL!

    How are you, K? Hope the same for you. I know you are busy as always. Here? well, awaiting the visit of Nick Nicholson from Canberra in late October, where we will finalize “The Nightingale’s Song”. He’s doing the graphics, photos….which is wonderful~!

    Have been away from the poetry groups….summer doldrums….but am awaiting autumn….that recharges everyone!



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  10. Fred Bartels Says:

    I guess I’ll have to put in my two cents.
    Given women live 8 years longer than men, we should kick about the same time. Unless our decree kicks in first…..divorce never, murder maybe!!!
    LOL The company I work for has a slogan “We love what We do”. If you apply this to your daily activities you will eventually eliminate the negativity in your life and be happy. Our marriage is a happy one because of communication. We can tell each other they are full of __it and discuss why. As long as love is the basis, you can be happy. XXOO, the husbahd


  11. Fred Bartels Says:

    I forgot to add my bit about the animals.
    Yes, it is a blessing to take allergy shots once monthly. Otherwise I would be a basket case. I have also somewhat accepted the rank where I fall in Jane’s affections. Cats, dogs, chickens, fish, me… most of the time. Now the animals are getting older, she is starting them on raw chicken and fish. I’ll be eating a lot of Ramen when I retire, because I’ll be in the poor house feeding all the “strays”. The Husband, Fred


  12. Fred Bartels Says:

    I left our the most important part… she loves to treat me like a god. I get plenty of “burnt offerings”. LOL ROTFL…


  13. ladynyo Says:

    The Husband likes to appear as ‘long suffering’, and perhaps he is…but I think, deep down, he’s happy.

    Lady Nyo….The Wife.


  14. Sweet Violet Says:

    I, too, have a younger husband and the disapproving family member…in my case it is my daughter who did her best to convince me that the marriage was doomed due to our being too different (age, ethnicity, culture). Well, anniversary #10 is just around the corner and we have weathered a great deal in our years together, just as you have…and it has only made us stronger.

    My husband is the silent, stoic type. A geek and an introvert, he is the kind of guy who tells me when something is wrong and otherwise keeps his own counsel until, out of the blue, he will say something like “Geek loves his Violet.” Endearing and oh so easy to feel secure with.

    Younger husbands rock! I hope I get to enjoy mine as long as you’ve been able to enjoy yours!


  15. ladynyo Says:

    Ah! Love endures! This is so wonderful to hear. In these days of divorce, strife, etc….we find love, or love finds us.

    You will make it, Violet. I love this: “Geek loves his Violet”. LOL! My husband is a bit of a geek, too…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    It’s interesting the views of others, but only interesting. It can become down right annoying, but we have the best of both worlds. We can shut our ears to those who disapprove and walk straight into the arms of our spouses.

    Hugs, and life is long and wonderful…once we get through the roadblocks to so much.

    Lady Nyo


  16. TR Says:

    Congrats on 28 great years! The poem is wonderful and I loved what you shared about your DH – the cats wanting to be by him is sooo funny.

    Love does in endure; many peeps subtly find that the cultural differences between me and DH will end in disaster. People just puking on other’s happiness.

    Thanks for sharing your relationship with us. xxoo


  17. ladynyo Says:

    Hello TR! Thank you so much for reading and your insightful comment.

    Yes, where there are cultural differences, people tend to act out their own fears. It takes guts and mostly LOVE to endure inside and outside a cross cultural relationship. I’ve seen them broken up by the ignorance of family and outsiders. Of course, extreme religions whether they be Christian, Muslim, Jew makes problems when only one or the other is such….so this is a factor that is considered.

    But! I wish you and your DH the very best in your own marriage, and to pull the shades down, close the curtains to the troublemakers.

    Lady Nyo


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