Alerts to Threats in Europe by John Cleese…..

Terrorism is not funny, but John Cleese is.   This was first penned in 2012.

ALERTS TO THREATS IN EUROPE: BY JOHN CLEESE by John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

A final thought – ” Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC”

John Cleese.

The US is noticeably missing from this round up…. But it’s not forgotten.  Drones, bombing Pakistani weddings, etc.. The Hackers don’t help….the threat level changes, but not much.  It’s like blood pressure…always high.


Tags: ,

4 Responses to “Alerts to Threats in Europe by John Cleese…..”

  1. johnallenrichter Says:

    John Cleese is so very funny! Love this…


  2. ladynyo Says:

    He is, isn’t he? Hey John, so good to hear from you.

    I remember Monty Python movies, but this is so relevant. It’s almost 3 years old, this article by Cleese, but it hits home.

    My husband printed this out and passed it around this week. he works in the movies as a set fabricator and designer, and the guys there, from all over the country, laughed their heads off. I think we need a big dose of humor just about now.



  3. johnallenrichter Says:

    Fish Called Wanda and Fawlty Towers pretty much says it all! Of course Monty was before its time….


  4. ladynyo Says:

    God I loved those…..yes he was!


    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: