“Alerts to Threats in Europe”…

Image result for funny images of John Cleese


The situation in the world, especially overseas, continues to raise alarms.  It’s not that anything happening is funny, or humorous, but the constant dread people feel now is exhausting.  People are afraid to vacation in Europe and this doesn’t bode well for the tourist industry anywhere.  Even  going to the grocery store or a mall can excite anxiety.  So, humor does have a role in our sanity.  At least I believe so.  If I have insulted any nation, sorry.  You can gather your pitchforks and lob potatoes.  Except Switzerland.  They can throw cowbells.

Lady Nyo

ALERTS TO THREATS IN EUROPE: BY JOHN CLEESE by John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

With apologies to my friends in Australia …..Cleese forgets that Australia isn’t part of Europe….

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

A final thought – ” Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC”.

Though some of this above might be dated….things certainly have escalated in Europe and around the world….this ‘final thought’ remains solid.

Borrowed from John Cleese by Jane Kohut-Bartels

September, 2016

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3 Responses to ““Alerts to Threats in Europe”…”

  1. Liras Says:

    Good spot of humor in a dark situation. Cleese seldom disappoints.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ladynyo Says:

    Yep, Liras! He seldom disappoints. He’s dated but here????? Spot on.

    Thanks for reading and your comment!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Liras Says:

    His biting humor is always appreciated.


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