“The Thaw”

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(Watercolor, Jane Kohut-Bartels, 2003, “Spring Thaw”

Over at dversepoets pub it is Open Link Night where you can post a poem of your choice. Go see what poems are fermenting there…

For some reason, a small poetry group objected to this short poem.  They thought the last two lines  redundant. I disagreed.   I think that is the natural ending to this short poem.  You have to trust your own vision on these things.  After all, you are the writer.  The haiku was added later.

The Thaw

Spring comes drumming through

Breaking up ice in the creek

Destroying a beaver dam

And with the unexpected noise-

The un-damming of my heart

A softening of my bones

A juiciness of my loins

A waving of budding branches

In a new born wind-

Encircling tender arms-

A phantom will o’ wisp lover.

 

Spring comes drumming through,

Cracking open where winter nailed me shut.

 

 

Fallen leaves crackle.

Sparrows add the treble notes.

Season’s musical.

 

Jane Kohut-Bartels

Copyrighted, 2015

 

 

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20 Responses to ““The Thaw””

  1. Kathy Reed Says:

    As a river thaws, so does the heart….so love can flow freely, unencumbered and real. Love the nightingale suggestion for reading!

    Like

  2. Brian Says:

    Spring comes drumming through,
    Sappy sentiments over crisp French toast.

    robins flashing breasts
    orange caution unbridled lust
    morning fog scatters

    Like

  3. ladynyo Says:

    LOL! So, you really, really ‘like’ this poem? LOL!

    Like

  4. ladynyo Says:

    Hey Kathy…thank you for reading and commenting on “The Thaw”. I guess you are referring to “Song of the Nightingale”? I published that at Amazon.com, in 2015. I have attempted to serialize this on my blog but it keeps getting interrupted. By me. ADHD here….Of all my 7 books, that one is my favorite. Hope you enjoy what you can find to read of this one. And yes, Spring brings something of a thaw in the heart, the sentiments, to even the elderly. (me, for one)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) Says:

    I like the end… to me it adds a foundation or stability to the poem, I would actually call it a volta as it provides a resolution that adds to the context… maybe it was the poetry group who got it wrong.

    Like

  6. frankhubeny Says:

    What I find most useful for me in small groups are the first impressions someone else has. They are something I missed, but I don’t change necessarily change anything. Repeating the first line toward the end accentuates that “drumming” idea, which seems to be a good thing to do, like mentioning both the beaver dam and the dam in the heart. We are part of what it means to be spring. You portrayed that well.

    Like

  7. Jane Dougherty Says:

    I love your imagery of the undamming of spring floods. Throw everything open wide and let spring in 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. ladynyo Says:

    LOL! Thank you, Jane

    Liked by 1 person

  9. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Frank. I left that group because I felt it wasn’t productive. Not just to me, but I think in revising a poem , it should go beyond a single word, etc. Endless discussions about a word choice is dead to me. There usually are bigger issues with poems (and certainly mine) I left that group and I don’t think it exists anymore. And I agree. Repeating a line, or a phrase can act as a supporting chorus. And yes, we are part of what it means to be spring. Thank you, Frank, for your sensitive and contemplative comment. That is so necessary for poetry groups and something I find missing many times.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you, Bjorn. Yes, I think this poetry group was more into gazing at their own navels…than poetry or poetry refining. LOL! And I agree. Our poems must have some foundation…and volta sounds right to me. A resolution that provides context. Exactly! I love repeating refrains because of the stability they provide to a poem. Thanks, again. We learn as we go.

    Like

  11. Beverly Crawford Says:

    From my experience, some small groups are just that … small. Being totally untrained, I’m not well versed in “poetology” … I only know what feels right, and those last two lines certainly feel right to me.
    (Sorry you’re having trouble getting to my site. WordPress and Blogger aren’t always compatible. I’ve made a change I hope will solve the problem.)

    Like

  12. Gospel Isosceles Says:

    Marvelous, my dear, let it flow…

    Like

  13. Singledust Says:

    loved all the words but especially – the softening of my bones – like allowing love to permeate my marrow I felt it say – i loved this sweet love awakening poem.

    Like

  14. ladynyo Says:

    Ahh, Singledust.Thank you! It’s about as romantic as I can get. LOL! Thank you for reading and your lovely, lovely comment.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. ladynyo Says:

    LOL! Thank you, Gospel Isosceles.

    Like

  16. ladynyo Says:

    Thank you! I love to read your poetry, Bev. and was heartbroken when I couldn’t ..repeatedly. Now? Yes. And thank you for making whatever change you did.
    Yes, some small groups can be rather oppressive. It’s their way or the highway. Sometimes. But not always. Poetology. LOL! That had me laughing. I’m not much trained formally, but as we write we should investigate forms, history, what other cultures are doing with their poetry…I learned more about poetry 10 years ago from the Japanese …reading the great Man’yoshu….and I still go to that text/document for education. I think part of the frustration with some groups is that they are insistent that the ‘rules’ don’t apply to modern poets…that haiku doesn’t have any ‘set form’ anymore..(tell that to the Japanese!) and that other forms are non applicable. It seems that with many Western poets they haven’t studied these forms, history and don’t realize the beauty behind the ‘rules’. Or being Westerner with arrogance ….they don’t think it applies to them. I can speak (badly) to the issues with haiku and tanka, and there are reasons for their structure. To learn why is a delight but you have to search out older documents. So much ‘revision’ on these forms destroy the intention and everything becomes….freeverse. Or something like that. There is a kind of mystical beauty and sense in these forms and when we ignore them, we lose something very precious. I break the rules too, but I attempt (mostly) to learn them first. Thank you, Beverly…and loved your poem today.

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  17. Grace Says:

    Let spring comes through with all its softening and juiciness ~

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  18. thotpurge Says:

    phantom will o’ wisp lover… how beautiful is that.. i like the metaphorical inner winter.

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  19. ladynyo Says:

    me, too….thank you for reading and your comment.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. ladynyo Says:

    thank you, grace, for reading and commenting.

    Like

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