![tuareg2[1]](https://ladynyo.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/tuareg21.jpg?w=450)
At Dversepoets.com
tonight is Haibun night, and the prompt is ‘water’. My attempt might be ‘anti-water’. LOL!
Lady Nyo
Rain
I feel the rain waiting to be born.
A spectral haunting
Charming eyes and nose,
Rebirth in the torrent –
The waters of Heaven
Waiting to be born.
Bushes rattle leaves
Wait with eternal patience
The herald-winds start to howl,
A Saharan Miracle!
And the back of drought is broken
With this rain waiting to be born.
In the Saharan
Flowers iridescent
Five drops of water
This was written last week listening to Berber music. It ended, this torrent of musicality, with 5 measured beats. This was the ‘rain waiting to be born.” In the desert, the rains are awaited patiently and in some years are 5 years apart. So, though not exactly following a haibun standard, I am hoping this pleases.
Jane Kohut-Bartels
Copyrighted 2017
Tags: dversepoets.com, Haibun, poetry, rain
October 16, 2017 at 8:46 pm
Just edit it so the page breaks are gone and it reads as prose. I love the water waiting to be born. I never thought of it like that before.
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October 16, 2017 at 9:11 pm
I love that opening line, Jane: ‘I feel the rain waiting to be born’. Rain is amazing, and you have captured the sound in ”Bushes rattle leaves’.
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October 16, 2017 at 9:28 pm
I like the personification of rain giving it more life than we usually expect it to have and perhaps representing it more truthfully. I also like how you describe rain breaking the back of drought.
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October 16, 2017 at 10:15 pm
Thank you, Frank. A very new and untried poem. Thank you.
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October 16, 2017 at 10:18 pm
Hi Kim. I like that opening line, too. LOL~! Unfortunately, I lose it from that line out. What comes next from that first line just doesn’t do it justice. I will work on this, and perhaps ditch everything from that first line. LOL! I have another poem that I haven’t been able to get beyond: “Mother of Us All”…about the sea. LOL! Thanks, Kim.
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October 16, 2017 at 10:19 pm
LOL! Yeah….you can turn just about anything into a haibun. LOL!
Thanks, Toni.
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October 16, 2017 at 11:02 pm
Very creative take…I love the idea: rain waiting to be born. ~
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October 17, 2017 at 1:09 am
Thank you, Grace.
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October 17, 2017 at 4:10 am
Although you are right that this doesn’t exactly follow the haibun form, I like that the part before the haiku could be it’s own poem. The repetition is nice!
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October 17, 2017 at 4:26 am
Oh yes, this is exactly in line with what I thought. When we lack water there is nothing more important than to see it coming.
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October 17, 2017 at 10:48 am
Thank you, Bjorn. However, this is one of those ‘failed’ poems. It started out with the first line good, and then I lost it. Will rewrite it at some point. Thank you.
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October 17, 2017 at 10:49 am
Hiya. Thanks. The repetition comes from the musical issue: patterns and beats. thanks for reading.
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October 17, 2017 at 11:57 am
I like the notion of rain waiting to be born, and I think probably there is truth in it if rain be personified. Clouds heavy waiting to break…
Anna :o].
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October 17, 2017 at 7:22 pm
Yeppers. Just take out those page breaks and you.are.done!
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October 17, 2017 at 8:08 pm
cool, I never heard of Berber music — I know the ethnic clan but … You inspired me — I am checking it out now on spotify — fascinating. Thanx
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October 17, 2017 at 8:46 pm
Thank you. Berbers are amazing people. They are not Arabs. Though today, they are mixed with Arabic tribes. There is a great Toureg group of men who have put out some cds of their music. Worth listening to. Can’t right now remember their name.
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October 17, 2017 at 8:47 pm
I would, I’m lazy, and I don’t like the poem. The first line is great and the rest doesn’t quite fit the first line. LOL!
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October 17, 2017 at 8:49 pm
Rainbirth, thunder being birth pains. and then the gush of water. Clouds bellied up.
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