Frank Hubeny, over at dversepoets.com is hosting right now and challenges us to write short verse. Maybe tanka, maybe other forms…but brevity is the key.
Lady Nyo
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The moon floats on wisps
Of clouds extending outward
Tendrils of white fire
Blanketing the universe
Gauzy ghosts of nothingness.
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A companion piece written the same time….
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Shooting star crosses
Upended bowl of deep night
Imagination!
Fires with excited gaze-
A moment– and all is gone.
Jane Kohut-Bartels
Copyrighted, 2018
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Tags: Brevity in our verse, dversespoets.com, Gauzy Ghosts of Nothingness, tanka
Lady Nyo's Weblog 
February 16, 2018 at 2:00 am
“The moon floats on wisps of clouds” – lovely imagery. Well written.
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February 16, 2018 at 2:00 am
This is so lovely. And it was so cool seeing your treatise on Tanka linked in Frank’s post. I said to myseld, I know her!! Any poems of any kind about the moon always gets to me. But this is masterful.
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February 16, 2018 at 2:53 am
Lovely, Jane. As usual! 🙂
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February 16, 2018 at 3:19 am
The white fire in the third line seems like the pivot from wisps of clouds to gauzy ghosts blanketing everything. I also liked the “nothingness” at the end. Up close those clouds might well look like nothing at all. And yet they’re there.
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February 16, 2018 at 6:09 am
I am never very sure of the pivot line…sometimes it’s clear, and other times, it’s not. It takes a lot of study to get surer about these things, and frankly, we can become dogmatic in the doing. thanks Frank.
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February 16, 2018 at 6:10 am
Thank you, Frank. It’s rather an early one and I wasn’t so sure about the form. Sometimes, you have to let go of the formal stuff and just write from somewhere else. I know you understand this.
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February 16, 2018 at 6:12 am
That is so kind of you, Toni. I have gone through a boat load of moon poems and this was one of my favorite. There is a companion piece to this one that I will post later…’thank you, Toni. I was surprised to see that essay linked to Frank’s post. Quite a thrill.
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February 16, 2018 at 6:13 am
Thank you so much. I violated a lot about tanka form but sometimes you just have to go for something else that stirs your imagination.
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February 16, 2018 at 10:14 am
So delicate. A poem made of lace.
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February 16, 2018 at 11:31 am
Indeed, Jane, I do. Haikai is more than syllable counts. It’s epiphanies in the moment encapsulated in images. Your Tanka does this beautifully!
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February 16, 2018 at 12:53 pm
It is best not to be dogmatic. Just being aware that that third line holds potential may be enough. Sometimes as a reader I may just imagine it is there.
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February 16, 2018 at 1:49 pm
I think that is the best answer possible, Frank!
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February 16, 2018 at 1:50 pm
Thank you, Frank. These forms are endlessly fascinating. I think one could spend their lives in the reading and study of such forms and never come up for air!
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February 16, 2018 at 1:51 pm
Oh! I like that! Thank you, Paul.
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February 16, 2018 at 2:06 pm
Indeed! I certainly haven’t yet! LOL!
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February 16, 2018 at 3:56 pm
“Gauzy ghosts of nothingness.” Love
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February 16, 2018 at 6:43 pm
Thanks, georgegeorge!
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February 16, 2018 at 7:15 pm
I see the clouds as that wall between us and nothingness…. maybe they are there to protect, maybe they are the shroud we crave
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February 16, 2018 at 9:26 pm
Oh! I do like ‘the shroud we crave.’ Good supposition, Bjorn. I think we do crave a shroud in numerous fashions. for the possibility of privacy and security. Nothingness seems very vast and far. And without dimensions, too vast. We are just specks in the universe and perhaps we need protection.
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February 16, 2018 at 9:49 pm
They are both incredible. I like,”Upended bowl of deep night
Imagination!” I imagine the moon emptying into night
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February 16, 2018 at 9:52 pm
Hello Waltermarks! Good to read you! I have missed you. and I like your ” I imagine the moon emptying into night,’ Very poetic! Thank you!
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February 16, 2018 at 9:58 pm
Thank you for the poetry
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February 16, 2018 at 10:12 pm
What a lovely thing to say….and thank you back.
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February 16, 2018 at 11:48 pm
🙂
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February 17, 2018 at 2:09 am
I especially like the wispy moon. (K)
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February 17, 2018 at 2:18 am
Thank you. Me, too.
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February 17, 2018 at 2:19 pm
What lovely images!
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February 17, 2018 at 7:07 pm
Thank you, Rosemary!
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February 17, 2018 at 7:59 pm
I can’t pick a favourite, nor should I but I do love the clouds as “gauzy ghosts of nothingness”.
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February 17, 2018 at 8:16 pm
Hi Mish…me, too. that phrase slides easily in the mouth. The next posting is “Metamorphosis”….seems like a horror story, starts out as one and then the farce begins! A lot more fun to write.
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February 18, 2018 at 11:04 pm
Yes it was. Frank knows good stuff when he sees it.
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February 18, 2018 at 11:48 pm
Franks a bit new to tanka, as he says, but he has a natural instinct towards it. None of us have your years of experience, though.
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