Posts Tagged ‘fear of the future’

Grasping at straws, or maybe signs….

March 18, 2009

Lately I’ve been preoccupied with ‘internal’ issues…mostly spiritual issues.

We go from concepts to concepts without ever really touching down, or if we do…we land hard and uncomfortably.  Well, I do.  The ‘issue’ of becoming a writer, and mostly in the genre of erotica, has been a downward rolling snowball, but it has to be juggled with the reality that many people don’t read erotica for many reasons.  I am finding that out with sending my first book, “A Seasoning of Lust” out to relatives and some friends.  Probably sending the book to elderly relatives and friends is NOT a good idea, but sometimes you stretch the boundaries of reason.  And then, sometimes you are pleasantly surprised….

This hasn’t stopped me from compiling Vol. II of “Lust” to be released sometime this summer…and it will be very different from Vol. I.  That’s the ‘uplifting’ part for me.  Erotica is still a fascinating subject for a writer, and I intend to pursue and develop this in my writing for the future.  But it’s only one part of being a writer.

I’ve experienced a lot of different influences over the past two years, since I started writing online.  Some of the influences were good, and some I should have had my head examined.  Some fell into the category of  “think…where is this going?”.  But mostly we don’t. Think.  We respond and ‘feel’.  We are led by our curiosity and sometimes we adopt things that aren’t exactly healthy.

The issue of domination and submission is one of those mixed bags. There are people who are good influences in this knotty subject, and there are people who should be avoided.  When you are so inexperienced, it is the ‘luck of the draw’.  But you learn, and hopefully you learn to discern better.  My husband and I have settled into our own ‘brand’ of D/s, and it’s not a carbon copy of others.  We laugh a lot, and we are very much more cognizant of each others natures and surprisingly, abilities.  He has blossomed to me, and I have surprised him, as he tells me.  This is wonderful news after so many years of marriage.  For us, we may not look any different to outsiders, but there are definite changes between us.  There is a process of discovery going on.  That makes for a lot of interest and surprises.

I have stepped out into the study of Jewish Religion.  I do this for personal reasons, but I have had an abiding curiosity to do so for years.  I have never really been a Christian, and many of the issues inherent in Christianity are alien and strange to me.  Very recently, we celebrated our first Shabbat as a family.  We were helped and guided by a lovely Rabbi, Loren, from The Temple here in Atlanta.  I am still amazed at the way my family responded, and the feelings I had holding these rituals.  They were alien and at the same time, they were not.  Full of intense and purposeful meanings, we sat over our Shabbat meal for three hours and played Scrabble and chess.  This is the first time I can remember where we actually enjoyed each others company and for so long a duration.  We were invited to a Bat Mitzvah the next day, and our spiritual joy and opening continued.  The Temple is a Reform Synagogue, and I understand that there are a lot of issues with Orthodox/Conservative/Reform/etc. demoninations.  Some say Reform ain’t Jews…but we don’t have the reasons to distinguish this.  We don’t care.  The community and welcome and mostly the Spiritual lessons we found trumped any other concerns.  However, this above, the differences between them…reminds me of the same arguments in the Christian world.  We only want to draw nearer to God and have this effect on our family.

This time approaches Easter and Passover.  It is a time of great considerations.  Spiritual issues abound.  Life issues also.

Last night, our only child, in college, announced that he was seriously considering entering the Air Force to continue to train in aviation mechanics.  He has been studying this for two years, along with recent computer courses.  Of course this is unwelcome news to his mother.  There is a war going on, and more troops have been sent to Afghanistan last week.  I am hoping that his decision will be blessed with his personal safety.  However, my best friend of many decades, Jerry in NY, tells me that the employment situation for college age kids is horrendous.  He is facing some of the same issues with his child.

I have spent a restless night thinking of all of the above.  This morning, my son called to me to come look outside.  There was a white dove perched for the longest time on my neighbor’s roof.  I don’t know if it was a pigeon or a dove, my son who knows better said it’s definitely a dove, Mom….and I will take his word for it.

Hence, the “Grasping at Straws” in the title of this blog.  I embraced my son, and we are a bit more at peace.  It was a good sign and helps restore many things right now.  Important things of the heart.

Lady Nyo


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