Posts Tagged ‘Humour’

Some Humour for a change…

April 19, 2009

We’ve been good. We’ve been serious. (“Too Heavy! Too Serious! Lighten Up!” my friends are saying…)

So I will.  The “Metamorphosis Series” is funny, (think Gorean Fruit Bat and a  woman transforming into a bat…) but the first one in the series sets the stage for murder most foul…and the comedy doesn’t get rolling until the third.  But they are written only in flasher form (200 words) so I will post the first three  and then later continue on with the series (8 far)

And Noah  said:  “Let there be Shibari amongst the fruit bats….”

(and there was with lots of complaining and way tooo many knots)

The “Metamorphosis Series” will be in the “A Seasoning of Lust” Volume II released sometime this late summer, around mid August.

Lady Nyo, with less than half a brain today….


Standing at the window, Laura was lost in thought. The crispness of autumn purified the air at dusk.  The moon rose and the sky was still light.  It was that peculiar time of evening when both sun and moon balanced the sky.

Swifts and swallows flitted over chimneys and rooftops, wheeling like tiny black crescents against the sky.  As the moon rose, the swifts were replaced with bats speeding like rockets in front of the window.  She could hear the sound of their twittering as they flew by, sharing the day’s gossip.

“Laura!”  Her husband’s voice, harsh.

“I’m coming” she called back.

Peering out the window her pupils opened wide. She saw strange things. Veins in the leaves, mounds of disturbed soil from moles far below. The moon so close! The night beckoned to her and she felt like flying.

She wondered about herself.  Under her gown she felt thin membranes grow beneath her arms. Transparent tissue joined with two small hooks on her elbows.  Her breasts shrunk to nothing, only large nipples remaining. Her sex seemed to shift backwards, her vulva misplaced.

“I’m coming along nicely,” she whispered.


“Laura, come to bed!  What are you doing out there?”

Laura was doing nothing.  Just drinking tea and looking out the window, humming to herself.

She had lost weight, grown taciturn, seemed sexless.  Harold, confused, was getting on her last nerve.

Laura entered the bedroom. Harold, bald and boring, glared at her.

“What is wrong with you? Didn’t you hear me?”

*Oh yes, thought Laura.  Thirty years of marriage doesn’t stop up your ears, just your mouth. And your heart.*

Laura opened the closet to hang up her robe.  Inside, on a hanger, was a giant bat, its dull black wings wrapped tightly, hanging upside down.  Laura shoved it aside, looking for a hanger for her robe.  She got into bed and turned off the light.

The police looked at the carnage on the bed.  Blood everywhere, a real massacre. Something was wrong, damned if they could figure it out.  The wife, mute, had to be in shock. Weird batty woman.

Laura, her gown bloody, drinking tea, looked out the window.  Under the tree was a big dark man, standing with his arms wrapped around his chest. He looked up and nodded.

Laura smiled and winked.


Having become a widow, Laura’s life took on different dimensions.  The house now on the market, she decided to travel.  She thought of spelunking, exploring caves, climbing mountains.

Poring over brochures, she heard a scratching sound. Unlatching the second story window, in fluttered Bart Batkowski..

“I wish you would use the door like a normal person.  You will draw attention this way.”

“Laura, do you forget what I am? Besides a co-conspirator in murder?”

Laura signed. Harold was dead, gone, Bart now sharing her bed.  But it wasn’t the bed where the action happened.  It was the damn closet and sex was gymnastic at best.  Though Laura had known a transformation, it wasn’t complete.  The angle of penetration was off. Bart would insist on hanging from his heels, and all attempts at necking gave Laura a stiff one; neck, that is.

Since Bart said his DNA required the closet hang, they compromised with a vertical 69 position.  Bart would embrace her with his wings wrapped tightly around them, and Laura would get comfortable with her pubis level at Bart’s nose.

It was a strange mating, but when Bart snored it sent Laura to heaven.

Jane Kohut-Bartels
Copyrighted, 2008, 2009

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