Another Poem from Nick…..

HOW MANY DAYS

how many days must pass
this hell-bound train
the whizz and flash of ethereal lights
glimpsed
blurred
like that thing
that once passed for a heart
the fugitive glances
at all that is other
desired
adrift in a sludge of mind
in a test pattern world
how many days must pass
until

Nick Nicholson

Copyrighted, 2009

Nick!  You know I’m not the best of critters, but I make a fly over.  I look first how this moves me….and it does.

I think the openness of the structure and ending grabs me first.  That rhythm is there, important, and it’s not just a ‘ramble’.  It’s got this forward propulsion and that makes ‘good’ with the ‘hell-bound’ train imagery.

Plus, you throw in this ‘ethereal lights’ which is the opposite of ‘hell bound train’ to me, and in a sense develops a picture…

I stumbled on “at all that is other desired”   Perhaps drop the ‘other’ but then again, I can see something of the point of ‘other’.  Just a suggestion.  Or drop the desired….something here makes me stumble in the reading…in the mouth.

“adrift in the sludge of mind in a test pattern world” is some strong imagery…good there..this chaotic..or perhaps entrenched mundane? sadness? hopelessness?

Love the ending:  “How many days must pass until”.

That is a brilliant ending.

Nuff said.  Nick, this poem has got to be one of my favorites, and there is much more ‘in it’ than I have grasped, and I am not doing it justice….but it does haunt, and I am sure it will haunt others.

Reminds me of some beat poetry….are you reading Butkowski again??? LOL!  Not a bad influence at all.

______________

Please, others here…and out there….make your own crits.  That is  the purpose of the …ahem….Poetry Workshop theme.

And about that….everyone here is honestly open to crits, rewrite and the slaughter of the lambs….no…not  that the last happens, but we open ourselves for what we know is good, and perhaps bitter medicine right now, but crits lay bare the essentials in a poem, and build improvement….and strengthen the poem and the poet.

In my opinion, those that write and don’t WANT crits…(and there are actually people that express just that…) aren’t serious poets. They want praise, uncritical praise, and they then wonder why people shy away from their poetry.  It’s a form of infantilism or something like that, not to be open to crits to IMPROVE the work.

I have come across a few poets who ‘bare the soul’ ….but act like their poetry is perfect the first off the mark.  None of us, I believe, get it right the first couple of times.  It’s all ego if we think we do….and then IF we don’t get the readers??

We have only ourselves to blame.  There are no short cuts to being a serious poet.  It’s rewrite, rewrite, rewrite….and being open to other eyes.

Lady Nyo

A Plug!!!!! This morning I have received

a number of emails, queries about belly dancing…and from a man, too!

Not that I would want to see this man belly dancing, but he is all about ‘all things female’…so he’s allowed.

But not in the studio~! That is like a harem in there…..and you would have to leave your testicles outside in a bucket….

The Plug: I bought a while ago, a dvd called “Luscious” The Belly Dance Workout (for beginners)….www.worlddancenewyork.com…probably from Amazon.com…

This is an amazing dvd. Although stating it’s for beginners, it is one of the very BEST dvd’s on bellydance I have ever seen. One of the things it does is NOT portray isolations ‘in’ isolation. It’s part of a continuous movement of dance…where it is incorporated in the general muscle memory.

I LOVE this disc. So why am I not watching it all the time??? It is damn hard. It moves fast, but not so fast you can’t concentrate on pieces….that is what the stop and reverse buttons are for.

However, as much as I bitch that it’s hard, it’s hands down one of the most beautiful displays of sensual bellydancing I have ever seen….in continuous performance….and broken down…it’s easy enough.

I would advise anyone..male or female….to go to their website and see the promo. It is fantastic, not the least the dancers…gorgeous women all.

This is classical bellydancing…and I am gnashing my tooths that I am going into Tribal Fusion right now.

Ahhhh…who knows….but this disc is a lovely learning tool and applicable to all levels of dancers….

Teela….