Posts Tagged ‘revision of another haiku’

One haiku, two tanka for Carpe Diem Haiku Kai

November 19, 2016

The haiku is a ‘revised’ haiku based on one written by Kiyoshi

Kiyoshi :

Only silence

the summer breezes caressed

Wisteria blossoms


Lady Nyo:

Only stillness

Escapes summer’s intentions

four o’clocks close up.

(four o’clocks are flowers in the south that close up with summer’s heat and open at dusk when it cools.  They remain open, scenting the night and feed moths, nocturnal feeders.  heavy scent.)

Prompt “fragile beauty”


Her lovely snow-flesh

tracery of blue veins

fold themselves gently

grief’s ragged breath draws

hauntings of her beauty


A prompt to do with wit?

Yes, I forgive you.

(Hands unclean from previous crimes)

Go wash them in snow.

(The snow of last year’s falling)

Then I will reconsider.


Jane Kohut-Bartels

Copyrighted, 2016

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