Talking to a good friend this morning who just went through a major surgery, we were exchanging garden observations. Her zucchinis and cukes are in overabundance and I have none. We both have tomatoes but none too red. The point of this is just that we both, being women, enjoy the gardening and all the issues of keeping our families fed, our houses bearable, and the summer canning and usage of good things from the garden.
We both went through this issue of “submission” and what it means for women. At least women either interested or influenced in some way by D/s. We found a lot of holes in the doing, and especially from the lips of men.
Distilled down, we thought it an issue that could be good and very bad. It could be something that cleaved us more to our husbands or it could curtail our creativity, our growth. I’ve seen it both ways. Some men are so insecure, especially from what I have seen in the hard-line ‘Gorean’ species, (which is why when you base your philosophies on fairy tales, you could end up counting angels on the heads of pins…) and in the bdsm scene a lot….well, somethings are just stupid.
My friend and I have talked a lot about these issues: what defines us as women? Well, it’s in the day to day…and we don’t need no stinky bdsm philosophies to ‘tell’ us what we are.
I am blessed to have the freedom to work at home. My dear Husband does not need me to work outside the home to supplant the home finances, he thinks in his German- Catholic upbringing that women should be ‘allowed’ to keep the home fires burning.
To that end I think my responsibilities are to constantly feed that home fire. I do teach belly dancing, and that doesn’t bring in much money, but he has great hope I will become that elusive “famous author” someday and make money this way.
Hah! He knows nothing of publishing, literary fiction, what is happening in the publishing world especially right now, and he doesn’t know the competition. But he loves to read my novels and stories and he foots all the bills for publishing and promotion. He thinks that is part of his role, to be supportive in all my endeavors.
He’s a wonderful man. Secure in himself, with what he already is, he is a wonderful example of a decent and compassionate man. His wiring is good.
After a recent period of some strange influences, we have come to a balance within our marriage. I have all the freedoms to do as I want and this makes it imperative that I expend this freedom in the best ways possible. I know now what it is that makes me happy and it’s a simple connection with what makes this marriage and family run in the best ways. Or something like that.
Today I have been repairing linens, cutting out the pieces for a white, cotton kimono to wear as I dash from the shower in the garden to the house. I’ve made 4 pints of grape and 10 pints of kudzu jelly. I am planning on making loaves of french bread for this evening to go with the basil pesto. I’ve collected eggs from our hens and checked on the growth of the tomatoes and grapes (this last is rather screwy. First year for grapes so we don’t know what we should be looking for, but they are tiny purple/black things and very bitter.)
These chores, which are really blessings, I account for the responsibilities I have to this marriage and family. I don’t know where these issues of submission come in anymore, because what we have found out is this:
There is a balance within the ‘nature’ of both the man and woman in this house. We are settled into the natural routine that pleases us both and gives the greatest amount of comfort and security. If this is submission, I embrace it, but it certainly is not what I have observed in many cases.
Yes, yes, I know about this issue of ‘power-exchange’. We are ignoring it. Or at least tending to it. We both know our roles and there is peace.
As to his ‘dominance’, it’s a natural flow from his character as a man. He knows his duties and leads by doing. He is a fine example to our only child, a son. He has no rattling ego to dodge or to fear. He is a naturally manly man whose only bad habit is to goose the wife when she is bent over the oven with hot things in her hands.
Overall, blessings to stroke and to cherish.
KUDZU JELLY… a Southern jelly. That weed from Japan.
4 cups of kudzu flowers (those purple/lavender blooms that look like wisteria blooms under the leaves)
4 cups of boiling water.
Seep overnight in the fridge. A gray liquid results when you strain the flowers from the bowl. Throw flowers away, and keep the gray liquid. Heat up in high pan and put 1 lemon of fresh juice into the gray liquid and it become purple! Boil for a few minutes with 6 cups of sugar and throw in one packet of liquid pectin (or powdered).
Boil for one minute.
IF you boil your lids for a few minutes, you can usually decant the jelly into the CLEAN glass jars and screw down lids, turn over for 30 minutes or so, and you don’t have to seal in a pressure cooker.
Kudzu jelly is a beautiful clear jelly that tastes like a cross of grape and strawberry. Keeps forever, but we give them away as holiday gifts.
Lady Nyo
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