My father’s birthday today. He died 22 years ago, and I miss him so much.
Lady Nyo
River of Babylon
–
Do you remember
That visit a few scant
Months before you were gone,
When I saw the pain
Saw the end coming
But would not believe?
–
I wrapped you in a hospital sheet,
Hiding your face like a thief
And we wheeled down the hall,
Avoiding the eyes of nurses,
Down the elevator, down to the street.
We were laughing, elated
Making our great escape
Right under their noses!
–
In the mellow spring sunshine,
The scent of daffodils
Blossomed beside us,
Up and down Witherspoon,
Enjoying the tender season,
Our escape made richer
By the danger of it all.
–
But you had different plans,
Intentions that blossomed as you
Lay there, waiting for
The right moment,
The right weather,
The right dupe.
–
I was driving your Audi,
That paint-faded car with
Butter-soft seats,
And somehow you knew where it was
And though your left hand was a claw
Held tight to your thin chest,
You casually, so casually gestured
With your right to ‘go there, turn down
This street.’
–
I remember now, how you threw
Your white shrouded arm in the direction,
And I pushed behind you,
Not knowing your intention until
It was too late.
–
You grabbed the door handle
And I begged you to let go,
But you were fierce,
Your determination to go,
And not just for a ride.
–
I broke your hold,
And I broke your heart,
Just a little to me-
A mortal blow to you.
–
How I wish I had lifted you
into that car,
How I wish we had run away.
We could have hid on the river bank
We could have been right under their noses,
Doctors and nurses and all the authority
They took from your now-fragile life.
–
I could have climbed the bank to the house,
Stolen your French horn
You could have played your Mahler,
Softly, softly Father,
We don’t want them to find us-
And we could have fished for sunfish,
Listen to carp jump in the water,
We could have slept in the hollow
Of a fallen log,
Ate blackberries until our mouths, hands
Were stained purple.
We could have thumbed our noses
At the rules,
Even for a little time.
–
But I was afraid,
Too much the coward,
Afraid of the anger, the fury
And now I wished I had done all this,
And more,
And damn all of them! All of Them!
–
We could have headed West,
Unknown alien territory,
Or we could have floated down the Millstone
The river you loved so much,
Taught me to love.
We could have floated out
To the Rivers of Babylon
And let them carry us away.
–
Jane Kohut-Bartels
Copyrighted, 2011, 2012
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