The haiku is a ‘revised’ haiku based on one written by Kiyoshi
Kiyoshi :
Only silence
the summer breezes caressed
Wisteria blossoms
—
Lady Nyo:
Only stillness
Escapes summer’s intentions
four o’clocks close up.
–
(four o’clocks are flowers in the south that close up with summer’s heat and open at dusk when it cools. They remain open, scenting the night and feed moths, nocturnal feeders. heavy scent.)
–
Prompt “fragile beauty”
Her lovely snow-flesh
tracery of blue veins
fold themselves gently
grief’s ragged breath draws
hauntings of her beauty
=
A prompt to do with wit?
–
Yes, I forgive you.
(Hands unclean from previous crimes)
Go wash them in snow.
(The snow of last year’s falling)
Then I will reconsider.
=-
Jane Kohut-Bartels
Copyrighted, 2016
Tags: carpe diem haiku kai, Haiku, revision of another haiku, tanka
November 19, 2016 at 10:10 pm
It is all so visible and lovely written.
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November 19, 2016 at 10:20 pm
Thank you, Helene. These prompts are really intriguing. Thank you for reading and your lovely comment. I’ll be over after dinner tonight.
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November 20, 2016 at 12:54 pm
Great to see you on here Jane! I love these, especially the ‘fragile beauty’ tanka!
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November 20, 2016 at 4:13 pm
Thank you, Kim! I’m loving these sites that attend to tanka and haibun etc. For some reason, I read ‘wit’ as a prompt…lol….but that was rather fun. This tanka (the last one…) came from a longer poem from “Song of the Nightingale”, published last year. There is a section where the Lady Nyo (character in this book) is ‘bitching’ to her husband. LOL! That book is about a marriage, although in 16th century Japan. Thank you, Kim for reading and your encouraging comment.
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November 20, 2016 at 5:10 pm
I’m loving you popping up on Carpe Diem – it’s a bit like having a friend come along to a party!
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November 20, 2016 at 10:13 pm
Oh! I love that! I can use all the friends I can get! The world is a scary place right now. This Carpe Diem is wonderful…I’m very new but it’s a lot of fun.
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